We gave our decision a week or so to settle into our minds before I actually worked up enough courage to pick up the phone and call the doctor to tell her that we were going ahead with it. I thought - "ok, we've decided, we've put our name on the next waiting list". Imagine my surprise when the doctor told us that our prescription was being put in that very day, and it would be ready for pickup by the next morning. I was counting on more time to get used to THIS baby step.
I don't know what I was thinking. I guess, I was expecting to hear the voice of James Earl Jones in my head saying "Hey. This is God. You did the right thing.". But I didn't hear that, and I still haven't. I'm getting more and more used to the idea as time goes by, but it's a gradual acceptance. It took about 2-3 weeks before we picked up the prescription. It has taken another week or two before we were ready to actually GIVE it to Doug.
This last step has been a bigger emotional hurdle for Allison than for me. Doug is now on steroid therapy, and one of the side effects of it is that his body shuts down it's own production of the hormone (or whatever) while he is taking the prescription. This means that if we can't get him to keep down the medication for whatever reason, we need to take him to the hospital to have it administered intraveneously. Needles are a big deal to me, so this is no small thing.
And now, we are waiting and watching, and paranoid. Every time he is short tempered we wonder. Is it the irritability of the medication, or the fact that he didn't stop playing and go to sleep until midnight? Are his muscles stronger today, or does he just feel like climbing the stairs more than usual? Either could be the case.
But through all of it, I think the thing I need to remember is that Doug is still Doug. He's not a
