Today in church we had a child dedication service for some friends. This is a special morning, where parents bring their new children for a symbolic ceremony of dedication. Basically, the parents make a public promise that they will raise this new child in a Godly manner. Its really more of a parent dedication than a child one. At then end, the congregation is asked if they too will dedicate themselves to standing behind the parents in the raising of the child, and we all stand to show our support.
Its this last bit that draws my attention today.
I often wonder, as I stand amongst the throng, how many of us really give this a second thought when we are asked to respond. We stand in unison almost as if we are actors standing up on cue. Have we really considered what is being asked of us? Have we measured our dedication and decided that yes, we will do it?
Imagine, if you will, what that child is thinking as the question is asked:
Will you stand behind my parents as they raise me? Will you call and ask my mom if she needs someone to keep an eye on me as she catches a nap after a long night up? Which of you will be there on Sunday morning when I come to the nursery at church? Who will make sure my first interactions with my peers are constructive and positive?
When I'm old enough for Sunday School, will you be my teacher? Will you take the time from your busy schedule to show me that yes, people outside my family genuinely care for me too? I'll be in Sunday School for more than half a dozen years - will enough of you be there? As I make the transition to my teens, who will be an example for me in such turbulent times? Do any of you have time to be a youth sponsor? Who can I turn to for a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when my parents just don't get it? Which of you will I trust enough?
Who will help me as I struggle through decisions of school and career? Which of you will let me look to you for guidance and examples of how to live life? Who will encourage me on my first missions trip? Which of you will help me find funds to do it?
Which of you will spot my talents and abilities, and encourage me? Who will give me the chances to try and to fail without judgment? Repeatedly? Who will mentor me? Hold me accountable? Help me find my place in the work of the church?
Who will come alongside with a word of encouragement as I raise my own children? Which of you will help me through the sleepless nights and anxious moments? Who will be the good example that my children look up to?
And when I am older, who will take care of me? Who will make sure I have a way to get to church when I can no longer drive myself? Who will be there as the years of life take their toll upon my mortal body? When I no longer remember your name, will you still love me?
It has been said that any village can raise an idiot. I think it takes the entire family of God to raise a Godly child these days. This is what I meant when I stood up today. How about you?
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
But what about me?
Some of you will be able to relate to this one. If you are an older sibling of someone with a disability, I'd really like your input.
There's been an extra amount of busyness around our house this last month as preparations for the second annual Ride For Doug take place. There are e-mails to send, phone calls to make, things to decide, and stuff to organize. But out of all that noise is a small voice crying out "But what about me?"
This time, it's not Doug. It's Samantha. She sees the hustle and bustle through the eyes of an 8 year old. She is watching what looks like a disproportionate amount of our time go into Doug's life. How does one explain to an 8 year old that a specialist appointment isn't really the same as going to the park, and that RFD is about helping others - not just Doug.[1] We really DO spend time with her, but like all kids - it doesn't add up the same for her as it does for us.
I like to think that we are spending our time fairly between the kids, but what kid really ever can get enough attention? Samantha loves to be loved. Spend time with her, and she just soaks it in - she can't get enough of it. But what is it like to view things through her eyes? As time goes by, Doug will need more and more medical and support attention. How can we make this not be a threat to her?
One thing that we've tried to do is set up a time once a week where Doug is out with a respite worker. During this time, we do something with her. Sometimes we go to the library, sometimes we just sit and play video games together. Hopefully (if the weather ever warms up) I'll get to take her on some father-daughter evening rides. But I'm a bit lost here. How can I make her realize that we love her just as much, and that we ARE spending time with her?
I'm hoping that some of you who have been through this can let me know what's going on in her head and what might work. Please leave comments here so others in the same situation can benefit from your wisdom.
[1] The title of the ride is catchy, but a bit misleading for a kid.
There's been an extra amount of busyness around our house this last month as preparations for the second annual Ride For Doug take place. There are e-mails to send, phone calls to make, things to decide, and stuff to organize. But out of all that noise is a small voice crying out "But what about me?"
This time, it's not Doug. It's Samantha. She sees the hustle and bustle through the eyes of an 8 year old. She is watching what looks like a disproportionate amount of our time go into Doug's life. How does one explain to an 8 year old that a specialist appointment isn't really the same as going to the park, and that RFD is about helping others - not just Doug.[1] We really DO spend time with her, but like all kids - it doesn't add up the same for her as it does for us.
I like to think that we are spending our time fairly between the kids, but what kid really ever can get enough attention? Samantha loves to be loved. Spend time with her, and she just soaks it in - she can't get enough of it. But what is it like to view things through her eyes? As time goes by, Doug will need more and more medical and support attention. How can we make this not be a threat to her?
One thing that we've tried to do is set up a time once a week where Doug is out with a respite worker. During this time, we do something with her. Sometimes we go to the library, sometimes we just sit and play video games together. Hopefully (if the weather ever warms up) I'll get to take her on some father-daughter evening rides. But I'm a bit lost here. How can I make her realize that we love her just as much, and that we ARE spending time with her?
I'm hoping that some of you who have been through this can let me know what's going on in her head and what might work. Please leave comments here so others in the same situation can benefit from your wisdom.
[1] The title of the ride is catchy, but a bit misleading for a kid.
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