My Goal

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what is my will and what is God's will. I know what my will is. Complete and total miraculous healing done right now. The second part of the thinking is much harder. I cannot see right now how a 2 year old with a life crippling and shortening disease can be better than a happy healthy toddler. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that I'm looking at life from a human perspective rather than an eternal one. What I don't get is how to get that other perspective. It would make things so much more bearable to understand why.

In Luke 22:42 Jesus prayed a very simple prayer. I have a feeling it is exactly the prayer that I'm supposed to be praying right now. In it, Jesus asked "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me". That part I've got down. I can pray this one easily - and I'm getting lots of practise. He followed up with "yet not my will, but yours be done." That part is a bit of a show stopper. I can pray the words, but I don't mean them. I'm still praying "yet not my will, but yours be done - as long as it involves healing Doug right now". The verses following, an angel from heaven is sent to strengthen Jesus. Oh, how I need that too. But I can't pray that second part. I know I need to, I know how freeing it will be, but I just can't get there. Pray for me that I can get there. I know it will change the way I live life.