Are you Tigger or Pooh?

I was involved in a conversation last night about personalities. The challenge was to figure out which Winnie the Pooh character best represents your life. I couldn't figure it out for me. A number of people in the group we were with identified with Eeyore or Rabbit, but those just aren't me. Tigger, likewise doesn't seem to match up. So I took a quiz.

Naturally, the discussion led towards whether or not we had a choice in our view of life. Are our predispositions an integral part of who we are, or do we have a choice in which lens we view life through. This was a much tougher question to answer, and one which we all wrestle with daily whether we know it or not. We don't have control of what goes on around us, so how can we expect to control how we approach life's challenges? When life is dishing up one insurmountable challenge after another, and the world is overwhelming you, what chance is there to alter how you look at the world? You barely have time to breathe, let alone the strength to change from a "worrier" to an "optimist". The best it seems you can do is weather the storm and just hang on. Personal growth isn't an option.

Or is it?

I read somewhere once that the most important things on the face of the earth are people. And that the only thing about people that lives forever is their character. The deeper the relationship with other people is, and the more time that passes, the more obvious this becomes. Strength of character is way more important than how much money you have, or how smart you are, or how successful you are in society. But wait, there's more. This book also suggested that every single decision and challenge we face in life has but one important outcome. Each of these situations shapes your character. I had thought about this before, but I'd always thought of it as "if I make this radical decision, I'll be changing my life - and my character". What I hadn't considered is that even when I follow the "same old same old" decision making process, I'm building my character. Every decision I make contributes to who I am, and how I will make the next decision. This means, that if I'm stuck in a rut of worry and distress, or of hopelessness and dispair, I'm only adding to the problem. I'm building a "stronger" character that I don't want to become.

Looking at the other side of this is much more positive. Everytime I make the "right" decision and weather a storm in a positive way, I'm building good character. This, in turn, gives me more strength to make another change for the next crisis. Even if I have trouble with the big stuff, I can still take postive steps with each and every little problem that comes up, and build up the character I need for the big stuff. This is great news!

And it also gives me a Point to Ponder. If character is one of the most important things on the face of the earth, and character is built through adversity, how short sighted is it of me to wallow in self pity? God is giving me the challenges every day that I need to become a better person. How sad it would be to go through life without challenge, and arrive at the far end without character. (for those of you following along with your mp3 players, cue "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor now)

As to which Pooh character I'm like? I'm not sure I really know. Oh bother.

Ducking, avoiding, and ignoring

Things in life come up that you really ought to deal with right away. These are things that shouldn't be a big deal, and shouldn't take that long to deal with. These are also the same things that I will procrastinate until the end of time. For me, these are things like: my taxes, my expense claims, writing requirements specifications, and blogging about some of the things we are working through with Doug.

I know that I should just do it - let my thoughts flow - and then read the outcome. There will probably be some understanding there that will make the chaos in my mind subside. So let the blogging (or flogging?) begin.

Doug will, at some point in his life, need a power wheelchair for all of his mobility needs. My head knows this, but every time I think about it there's a little dagger in my heart that twists just a little bit. I also know that much before this time, he will need a "regular" wheelchair for occasional use and long distances. Taking this to it's logical conclusion, this implies that at some point in his life, he will be getting his "first" wheelchair.

I think you can see where this is going.

We've got an appointment to fit Doug for his first wheelchair in a couple of weeks. He won't need it then any more than he needs it right now, but it takes kids a while to get used to things too. He still needs help with travelling for longer periods of time, and longer distances. We currently use a stroller for that, but a stroller isn't really suitable for a boy who is now closer to 5 then 4. So, we are going out wheelchair shopping.

For those of you who share the same heart-dagger I do, shed not too many tears. Look at this from the eyes of a boy whose muscles are weak. A wheelchair is a way to continue moving when the alternative is to wait in the car. We are not "putting him into a wheelchair". We are replacing his stroller with a wheelchair, and continuing to encourage him to walk and run whenever possible.

And from the eyes of his peers? From kids in wheelchairs we’ve talked to, it has been important to them that the wheelchair is seen by their peers as simply a part of their life. And kids accept that far more easily than grownups do. For kids, the wheelchair often helps explain why “Johnny” can’t do the same things as well as they can. Once they have an explanation, they continue on being kids. They don’t have the same mental roadblocks we do. Studies have shown that kids simply view the “technical aides” as an “extension” of the person.

All this is well and good to explain in a blog. But how do you explain it to a Doug and Samantha? I'm not as convinced that I'll be able to explain it well. Doug already has an inkling, and the memory of it breaks my little heart. We were on the phone a fair amount figuring out where and how and when to do this. Doug overhead part of a conversation. His response was "A wheelchair for Doug?" followed a few moments later by "I don't need a wheelchair" - delivered in the cutest pensive voice you ever heard.

Pray for wisdom in approaching this subject.
(I'll post again when we have so you'll know when we've told the kids)

Just Perfect

Perfect. It's a tough meaure to live up to. Especially when it comes to being a parent. Being the perfect parent - especially when life throws you a curveball - is really really really hard.

But really, what other measuring stick is there? If you don't measure yourself against perfect, then what do you compare to? When you want to cut a piece of drywall in a straight line, you make your cut line with a ruler - you don't freehand it. (or at least I can't) If I were to use a scrap piece to draw a line, I wouldn't be getting an accurate line. I need to compare to a perfect straight edge.

But perfection, as life quickly teaches you, is an inhumanly impossible feat. Striving for perfection is a path that quickly leads to frustration. So what are we to do? Do we give up? Who has a perfect father anyways?

I do. I have a perfect father. My Father in heaven is absolutely perfect. That's a pretty darn high bar to match. And you know what? God demands perfection.

And if that's where it ended, life would really suck. But it doesn't end there. God, my perfect heavenly father, has provided a way. Through Jesus, I am forgiven for not measuring up to perfection. So I get the best of all worlds. I get an example of perfection to strive for - and a way of measuring how I am doing. But I also get released from the guilt of not measuring up. I am fully loved, and am perfect in his sight.

So I take this into my parenting philosophy. I need to strive for perfection. I also need to forgive myself for falling short. And THAT is where the key is to reducing stress. And the reduced stress? It results in better parenting. Go figure.