It's been a rough couple of weeks for my Little Biker. He's had a few spills, and taken a few lumps.
It started with a tumble off a bed while watching TV. Apparently (according to his sister) he laughed himself right off the bed over something he saw. Unfortunately, the laughing stopped when he banged his arm on the floor. Tough little guy though, he got over it in his typical fashion, but still was favouring it. I had sent Allison off for a week of scrapbooking, so Dr. Dad was in charge.
Dr. Dad waited a few more days, and realizing that he wasn't using his left hand at all (he's left handed), took him to the clinic for a look over. The doctor tried a few things, but couldn't narrow down where or how bad things were. He gave us a week to watch it to see if things improved. They didn't. So we piggybacked another doctors appointment onto the annual (yelp) flu shots. Our family doctor suspected an elbow, so we went off for X-rays. Sure enough, he's cracked something in his elbow. No cast necessary, just "take it easy".
Right. Ever lived with a 5 year old and an 8 year old before? Let's just say that there have been more than a handful of "bumping the injury" incidents.
Anyhow - fast forward to this weekend. Out celebrating a birthday with friends (Happy Birthday Katie!) and Doug takes a tumble. On hardwood. Fortunately, it didn't jar his elbow too hard. Unfortunately, this was because he didn't put his hands out to catch himself. He hit the floor with a resounding smack - teeth first. Again, the tough little guy only cried for a few minutes, but the blood was flowing. Did his teeth still look straight? Allison figured they weren't. I thought they looked close enough. Today, we got the dentist's opinion. "Impacted tooth". It's been pushed up.
The good news is that Doug is almost at the loose-tooth stage of life anyhow. This was about the "safest" time he could have done this. The roots of the baby teeth are pretty much dissolved with the adult teeth coming, and the adult teeth have a hard crown all ready to go. In between, there is extra space and cushion. Long term prognosis is very very good. In the short term, there are several things that might happen. The tooth may be pushed back into place by the swelling, and things return to normal. The tooth may stay recessed until it naturally loosens and falls out. The blood vessels to the tooth may have been damaged, in which case the tooth may take on a grey shade - until it loosens naturally and falls out. Or, the swelling may increase too much, and the dentist may have to pull it. Odds are on the side of the first few alternatives.
Bottom line, in a week or so, he should be able to bite and chew with his front teeth again.
Who said life was safe anyways. Good thing kids are built tough. Yeah, he's been down a few times this month - but like all good bikers Doug will be "shiny side up" before we know it. At least that's what I'm telling myself.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Why all the suffering?
A couple of weeks ago, I got an e-mail from a friend. She is suffering emotionally, and it is a challenge just getting out of bed. I know that feeling. Some days, it seems like there is just so much of life "stacked up against you" that you really just don't have the strength to get up and face the day.
Then, at about the same time, our church prayed for someone who has been diagnosed with cancer. Again. More pain, and more suffering. Why does God let that happen? Isn't he our loving father? What kind of father would let this sort of thing continue? Seems mean to me.
Just this week, we once again prayed for someone in pain. This lady has been in extreme daily chronic pain for over a decade. How does God let that happen? Where is the glory in that? "Look at this person who follows Jesus. See how much she suffers?". It doesn't seem to add up.
I've been thinking about this for a while. There has to be something deeper. Something that can make it all make sense. I cannot - in spite of all that I see happening - believe that a God of love has a mean streak. I think this comes back again once more to eternal perspective.
Eternal perspective changes how we look at things. Instead of limiting ourselves to our emotions, feelings, and limited time, we take a big step back and look at things "from God's view". What purpose does suffering have here on earth?
I think that God allows us to suffer because it makes more room in the world for love. Love is the greatest gift that we can give to another person. And the more pain, sorrow, and suffering there is on this earth, the more opportunities we have to give and receive love. Yes, we can love those who aren't suffering too, but the deep connections we make with others are more often and more tightly forged in the fires of adversity. Just like intense heat and pressure turn coal into diamonds - pain, suffering, and sorrow turn mere acquaintances into deep friendships. Spending time with someone and sharing in their suffering creates a deep bond that cannot be duplicated in any other way. And in the sum total of things of value on this wounded sphere, love tops the list.
How great is it that the more you hurt, the more love you experience.
Then, at about the same time, our church prayed for someone who has been diagnosed with cancer. Again. More pain, and more suffering. Why does God let that happen? Isn't he our loving father? What kind of father would let this sort of thing continue? Seems mean to me.
Just this week, we once again prayed for someone in pain. This lady has been in extreme daily chronic pain for over a decade. How does God let that happen? Where is the glory in that? "Look at this person who follows Jesus. See how much she suffers?". It doesn't seem to add up.
I've been thinking about this for a while. There has to be something deeper. Something that can make it all make sense. I cannot - in spite of all that I see happening - believe that a God of love has a mean streak. I think this comes back again once more to eternal perspective.
Eternal perspective changes how we look at things. Instead of limiting ourselves to our emotions, feelings, and limited time, we take a big step back and look at things "from God's view". What purpose does suffering have here on earth?
I think that God allows us to suffer because it makes more room in the world for love. Love is the greatest gift that we can give to another person. And the more pain, sorrow, and suffering there is on this earth, the more opportunities we have to give and receive love. Yes, we can love those who aren't suffering too, but the deep connections we make with others are more often and more tightly forged in the fires of adversity. Just like intense heat and pressure turn coal into diamonds - pain, suffering, and sorrow turn mere acquaintances into deep friendships. Spending time with someone and sharing in their suffering creates a deep bond that cannot be duplicated in any other way. And in the sum total of things of value on this wounded sphere, love tops the list.
How great is it that the more you hurt, the more love you experience.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I just want to play with my friends
This week I went to a PAC (parent advisory council) meeting. Doug's school has a rather old playground, and the PAC has been fund raising for a while now for a new one. This meeting was to make a few decisions about what type of equipment to buy.
Seeing as Doug will be one of the users of this equipment, I went to the meeting to see what was planned.
Underneath the surface I had a slight feeling of apprehension. What do I do if the equipment they're looking at isn't "Doug friendly"? How big a priority is accessibility? The school playground is where many of the deepest friendships in your life are cemented. How many of us have friends from "way back" whose relationship has survived the fickle sands of time? All due to the hours of playing on the monkey bars, adventure playground and soccer fields. It's pretty important. On the other hand, who am I to hold hostage the selection of new equipment just because my ONE child can't use it? That isn't fair at all either. This stuff serves hundreds of other kids a year, and will long outlast Doug's time at school.
How can I strike a balance between making my point and being a team player? Do I really have to prepare myself to go into another battle on Doug's behalf? Don't get me wrong, I'll gladly do it - my trusty shield may be a little dented by now, but I'm still game.
It turns out that my worries were all for naught. The PAC has a Recreational Therapist (I hope I got that right) on board with the planning. She's been considering accessibility for all sorts of disabilities, and assisting in the planning to make something that is fun for everyone - including those who come with their own needs. The PAC members continually considered the accessibility angle, and demonstrated an extremely inclusive approach. It looks like I can sit this battle out. The enemy - if any - is outnumbered by friends of Doug here.
You can talk all you want about accessibility. Surface type, transition points, upper and lower body equipment, play paths, etc. But when it all comes down to it, I think I can succinctly voice my opinion on what type of equipment to get:
Seeing as Doug will be one of the users of this equipment, I went to the meeting to see what was planned.
Underneath the surface I had a slight feeling of apprehension. What do I do if the equipment they're looking at isn't "Doug friendly"? How big a priority is accessibility? The school playground is where many of the deepest friendships in your life are cemented. How many of us have friends from "way back" whose relationship has survived the fickle sands of time? All due to the hours of playing on the monkey bars, adventure playground and soccer fields. It's pretty important. On the other hand, who am I to hold hostage the selection of new equipment just because my ONE child can't use it? That isn't fair at all either. This stuff serves hundreds of other kids a year, and will long outlast Doug's time at school.
How can I strike a balance between making my point and being a team player? Do I really have to prepare myself to go into another battle on Doug's behalf? Don't get me wrong, I'll gladly do it - my trusty shield may be a little dented by now, but I'm still game.
It turns out that my worries were all for naught. The PAC has a Recreational Therapist (I hope I got that right) on board with the planning. She's been considering accessibility for all sorts of disabilities, and assisting in the planning to make something that is fun for everyone - including those who come with their own needs. The PAC members continually considered the accessibility angle, and demonstrated an extremely inclusive approach. It looks like I can sit this battle out. The enemy - if any - is outnumbered by friends of Doug here.
You can talk all you want about accessibility. Surface type, transition points, upper and lower body equipment, play paths, etc. But when it all comes down to it, I think I can succinctly voice my opinion on what type of equipment to get:
I just want Doug to be able to play with his friends.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
A Time for Thanksgiving
Today, a friend of mine, a thinker, gave the sermon. It was his first, and he did a really good job in spite of what looked like a healthy case of the nerves. What he did for me was remind me of perspective. Ecclesiastes 3 has the famous passage about "for every thing, there is a season. A time for..." Another passage that sprung to my mind as he preached was 1 Thessalonians 5:18 "... in everything give thanks..."
On the one hand, there is a season for everything. A time to weep, and a time to laugh - and given today's date (Thanksgiving), a time to give thanks. So I've dedicated today's writing session to a challenge to myself. I'm going to write today about Thanksgiving. I'm going to attempt to capture ways that I am thankful for Doug's Muscular Dystrophy. Fasten your seat belts, I don't know where this will end up.
I am thankful for the people I have met on this journey. When you meet people who are going through, or have been through something like this, the emotional bonds you create with them are incredibly deep. A shared experience like this produces a connection that would otherwise take years and years to build.
I am thankful for my friends and family. They may not know it, but I draw deeply on their emotional and physical support. They meet needs both large and small without knowing it, and often without proper recognition or thanks.
I am thankful for the way I have experienced the generousity of strangers. Through Doug's needs, I have a renewed hope in the "spirit of mankind". "Religious" or not, God has built people with a inner desire to be charitable to each other. We don't see this everyday, as most of us have built walls up to hide behind. Give people an excuse though, and watch love and kindness flow out of the most unlikely people. Take a step back, and watch God coordinate the charity of many unrelated threads into a completed tapestry. I am thankful for being able to watch the the Master Weaver at work here. (Heck, did you see how many bikers showed up for the Vancouver Toy Run today in the cold rain?)
I am thankful for the slow progression of DMD. I get to wake up each day to a son who looks and acts very much like the day and week before. I am thankful that I don't yet have to lie awake at night wondering if I've hugged Doug for the last time.
I am thankful for the talented medical care that our much maligned system manages to provide. In spite of all of the complaining of the "broken system", we've managed to be cared for by an army of first rate "ists".
I am thankful for the way that I am now more in tune with the emotional hurts and needs of others. The only way you can empathize with others is to have experienced pain and sorrow yourself. I am no longer constrained to offer only sympathy. I feel I have been able to move from acquaintance to friend with a few people because of this. And I am richer for it.
I am thankful for the way that I am forced to admit on a daily basis that I don't have the strength to make it on my own. I'm not weaker than I was before, I'm just more honest with myself.
I am thankful for the brief glimpses into what is really important in life. Relationships and strength of character. All other things on earth are time limited, but my relationships with God and people, and the character I build while I am still breathing will last forever.
I am thankful for the kick in the pants that writing stuff down has been for me. I've never been a journaller, or a diary person. But I can recognize what a great tool it is for organizing your thoughts and emotions. And if my ramblings can lead even one person towards a deeper understanding of their own world, or supply a ray of hope in a dark world, what is not to be thankful for?
I cannot hear the phrase "well, at least you've got your health" anymore without a small lump in my throat. But I still can be thankful for things. Thankfulness doesn't have to be expressed with only a smile on your face. It is not an emotion - it is a mindset. Tears of pain and hurt can co-exist with thankfulness. And at my house, they do.
"In everything give thanks..." I think I understand the author a little bit better now. We are not instructed to be thankful for everything that happens to us - we are exhorted to be thankful in the midst of it. Bring on the turkey.
On the one hand, there is a season for everything. A time to weep, and a time to laugh - and given today's date (Thanksgiving), a time to give thanks. So I've dedicated today's writing session to a challenge to myself. I'm going to write today about Thanksgiving. I'm going to attempt to capture ways that I am thankful for Doug's Muscular Dystrophy. Fasten your seat belts, I don't know where this will end up.
I am thankful for the people I have met on this journey. When you meet people who are going through, or have been through something like this, the emotional bonds you create with them are incredibly deep. A shared experience like this produces a connection that would otherwise take years and years to build.
I am thankful for my friends and family. They may not know it, but I draw deeply on their emotional and physical support. They meet needs both large and small without knowing it, and often without proper recognition or thanks.
I am thankful for the way I have experienced the generousity of strangers. Through Doug's needs, I have a renewed hope in the "spirit of mankind". "Religious" or not, God has built people with a inner desire to be charitable to each other. We don't see this everyday, as most of us have built walls up to hide behind. Give people an excuse though, and watch love and kindness flow out of the most unlikely people. Take a step back, and watch God coordinate the charity of many unrelated threads into a completed tapestry. I am thankful for being able to watch the the Master Weaver at work here. (Heck, did you see how many bikers showed up for the Vancouver Toy Run today in the cold rain?)
I am thankful for the slow progression of DMD. I get to wake up each day to a son who looks and acts very much like the day and week before. I am thankful that I don't yet have to lie awake at night wondering if I've hugged Doug for the last time.
I am thankful for the talented medical care that our much maligned system manages to provide. In spite of all of the complaining of the "broken system", we've managed to be cared for by an army of first rate "ists".
I am thankful for the way that I am now more in tune with the emotional hurts and needs of others. The only way you can empathize with others is to have experienced pain and sorrow yourself. I am no longer constrained to offer only sympathy. I feel I have been able to move from acquaintance to friend with a few people because of this. And I am richer for it.
I am thankful for the way that I am forced to admit on a daily basis that I don't have the strength to make it on my own. I'm not weaker than I was before, I'm just more honest with myself.
I am thankful for the brief glimpses into what is really important in life. Relationships and strength of character. All other things on earth are time limited, but my relationships with God and people, and the character I build while I am still breathing will last forever.
I am thankful for the kick in the pants that writing stuff down has been for me. I've never been a journaller, or a diary person. But I can recognize what a great tool it is for organizing your thoughts and emotions. And if my ramblings can lead even one person towards a deeper understanding of their own world, or supply a ray of hope in a dark world, what is not to be thankful for?
I cannot hear the phrase "well, at least you've got your health" anymore without a small lump in my throat. But I still can be thankful for things. Thankfulness doesn't have to be expressed with only a smile on your face. It is not an emotion - it is a mindset. Tears of pain and hurt can co-exist with thankfulness. And at my house, they do.
"In everything give thanks..." I think I understand the author a little bit better now. We are not instructed to be thankful for everything that happens to us - we are exhorted to be thankful in the midst of it. Bring on the turkey.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
So what is a "clinic" anyways?
I've had a number of people ask me about Doug's medical appointment schedule. I complain a lot about it, but I don't know if I've ever really described it. We had one of his semi-annual "Neuromuscular Clinic" appointments last week. (Tuesday-Wednesday) Here's a brief snapshot of what that is like.
Tuesday
-------
8:00am - Meet the Pediatric Orthopedic Surgeon. A couple things come to mind here. Note the time. This is not a time of day that is very compatible with our family. The appointment is at BC Children's Hospital downtown. This means a VERY early start - we're looking at traveling in the peak of rush hour. We book a hotel room for the night before that is 15 minutes from the hospital. Anyhow, this particular doctor is one of Doug's favorites. It doesn't take too much convincing to get him to sit still for his examination. The prognosis? Everything is still looking reasonable from an orthopedic point of view. No night splints, special shoe inserts, or other adaptive measures are needed at this time. It's good to have an "easy" appointment up first.
9:00am - Meet the Neurologist. Well, actually, we first go through a rather lengthly update and question and answer period with a medical student of some kind. The Neurologist then comes in and is briefed in by the student. We fill in any gaps, and then Doug is examined again. This involves both getting him to perform tasks (get up off of his back, walk up stairs, run, etc.) and by checking his muscle tone, flexibility, and other typical examination things. We spent a lot of time trying to get a blood pressure reading, but blood pressure is something that Doug does NOT do. Ever. We're brought up to speed on how he is doing (generally well) and encouraged to ask questions. It's not easy remembering everything she's said AND our questions and concerns, but we muddle through it. One of the things we've been wondering about is his weight. One doctor says to gain weight, the other says to lose it. We get some hard(ish) targets. 25-50th percentile for height, and 5-15th for weight. Unsurprisingly, I have no clue what he is currently at.
10:00am (planned) - Occupational Therapist. The OT, once again, is away. In all the time we've been coming to the clinic, we have never yet met his OT. In fact, we've only seen an OT once, and that was a fill-in. I'm not really sure that occupational therapists even exist - he was on a waiting list for one the entire time he was in both the Infant Development Program, and Child Development Program. He (allegedly) saw an OT a couple times on a consultation basis, but since it happened at school, I have no hard evidence...
10:00am (actual) - Instead we got to move our afternoon appointment with the nurse to the morning. She had a whole mess of questions of primarily an administrative nature. Keeping up with which programs we were on and not on, and generally trying to hold the big picture together. She updated us on the Parent Project - which is apparently starting up in Canada now. This is good news. We tried to get Doug weighed and measured, and he really hated that. Another half hearted attempt to get a blood pressure reading was made - and failed miserably.
11:00am - Physiotherapist. Another session of questions. She must have had a 10 page document where we updated her on everything including: how far Doug can walk without resting, what kind of car we drive, how many stairs are in our house, and which side the railing is on. Then Doug had to submit himself to a very thorough examination of flexibility and strength. With a variety of measuring tools, she worked her way through what had to be 3 pages of roughly 50 measurements. Doug did remarkably well in trying to follow her directions. Allison did a pretty fair job of keeping up with writing down all of the answers too! Prognosis? Not too bad. The steroids seem to be giving him strength for now. We need to do a bit more work on stretching his hamstrings and heel cords. Guilty Parent Syndrome.
Somewhere in there we also met with a Muscular Dystrophy Canada volunteer. She told us about some of the things MDC was up to, and some upcoming seminars. We also had another session with the nurse. The paperwork never ceases.
There were a few more things too, but I can't for the life of me remember them now. We ended up heading out of Vancouver mid-afternoonish. We were very brain fried.
Wednesday
--------
10:20am - Back at Children's for day 2. At least this time we didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn. First appointment was a bone density scan. I had never seen one of these before, so I didn't quite know how to prep Doug. By this point in his life, he has had enough medical tests and examinations to be (understandably) hesitant. Asking him to lie _completely_ still on a moving table while a machine makes noise and moves an ominous looking arm back and forth over his body for several minutes at a time was NOT looking good. The technicians were spectacular. (I guess you wouldn't work at that hospital if you didn't have a way with kids) They managed to convince him to lie down. We held him still with (just a little) masking tape, and they managed to get a few passable scans. No word on results is expected until our next clinic visit. I expect this is baseline data.
2:20pm - Cardiology. Well, the heart is a muscle too, so cardiology is very interested in Doug. And Doug, well, as nice as the people are, just doesn't want to do blood pressure. He wasn't keen on the EKG either - but it was far less of a battle than his previous 3. Those stickers really don't like to come off of his tender little skin - and he remembers it. Follow that up with an ultrasound - another challenge to attach electrodes and have him lie still. By the time we saw the cardiologist in person (the previous tests being done by 3-4 different technicians) I'm pretty burned out. Burying my stress and being "Calm And Reassuring Man" to my kid for 2 days of intense testing takes a lot out of me. There is nothing really new to report from cardiology. Doug's heart is still slightly enlarged, and the doctor is proposing some medication to ease the workload on his heart. The catch is that there is no hard evidence to show that it WILL do anything. But it _probably_ has _some_ benefit, while carrying a _low_ likelihood of _somewhat_ adverse side effects. How's that for hard medical evidence to make a decision on? We've filled the prescription, but are doing to do a little looking on our own first before deciding whether or not to give it to him. We weren't in a frame of mind to make that sort of decision on that day. The doctor respected that, and was completely fine with our approach.
So, after a "lighter" second day, we hit rush hour to battle our way back home.
And there you have it, a glimpse into a couple of days of medical appointments. This clinic repeats itself every 6 months in our lives. It is a little more involved, and a little longer each time 'round. So if you see me looking a little drained after one of these, please be patient and understanding. Thanks.
Oh yeah. We were home for about half an hour before we had to be at school for Meet The Teacher night. I hope the teacher doesn't think we're normally zombies.
Tuesday
-------
8:00am - Meet the Pediatric Orthopedic Surgeon. A couple things come to mind here. Note the time. This is not a time of day that is very compatible with our family. The appointment is at BC Children's Hospital downtown. This means a VERY early start - we're looking at traveling in the peak of rush hour. We book a hotel room for the night before that is 15 minutes from the hospital. Anyhow, this particular doctor is one of Doug's favorites. It doesn't take too much convincing to get him to sit still for his examination. The prognosis? Everything is still looking reasonable from an orthopedic point of view. No night splints, special shoe inserts, or other adaptive measures are needed at this time. It's good to have an "easy" appointment up first.
9:00am - Meet the Neurologist. Well, actually, we first go through a rather lengthly update and question and answer period with a medical student of some kind. The Neurologist then comes in and is briefed in by the student. We fill in any gaps, and then Doug is examined again. This involves both getting him to perform tasks (get up off of his back, walk up stairs, run, etc.) and by checking his muscle tone, flexibility, and other typical examination things. We spent a lot of time trying to get a blood pressure reading, but blood pressure is something that Doug does NOT do. Ever. We're brought up to speed on how he is doing (generally well) and encouraged to ask questions. It's not easy remembering everything she's said AND our questions and concerns, but we muddle through it. One of the things we've been wondering about is his weight. One doctor says to gain weight, the other says to lose it. We get some hard(ish) targets. 25-50th percentile for height, and 5-15th for weight. Unsurprisingly, I have no clue what he is currently at.
10:00am (planned) - Occupational Therapist. The OT, once again, is away. In all the time we've been coming to the clinic, we have never yet met his OT. In fact, we've only seen an OT once, and that was a fill-in. I'm not really sure that occupational therapists even exist - he was on a waiting list for one the entire time he was in both the Infant Development Program, and Child Development Program. He (allegedly) saw an OT a couple times on a consultation basis, but since it happened at school, I have no hard evidence...
10:00am (actual) - Instead we got to move our afternoon appointment with the nurse to the morning. She had a whole mess of questions of primarily an administrative nature. Keeping up with which programs we were on and not on, and generally trying to hold the big picture together. She updated us on the Parent Project - which is apparently starting up in Canada now. This is good news. We tried to get Doug weighed and measured, and he really hated that. Another half hearted attempt to get a blood pressure reading was made - and failed miserably.
11:00am - Physiotherapist. Another session of questions. She must have had a 10 page document where we updated her on everything including: how far Doug can walk without resting, what kind of car we drive, how many stairs are in our house, and which side the railing is on. Then Doug had to submit himself to a very thorough examination of flexibility and strength. With a variety of measuring tools, she worked her way through what had to be 3 pages of roughly 50 measurements. Doug did remarkably well in trying to follow her directions. Allison did a pretty fair job of keeping up with writing down all of the answers too! Prognosis? Not too bad. The steroids seem to be giving him strength for now. We need to do a bit more work on stretching his hamstrings and heel cords. Guilty Parent Syndrome.
Somewhere in there we also met with a Muscular Dystrophy Canada volunteer. She told us about some of the things MDC was up to, and some upcoming seminars. We also had another session with the nurse. The paperwork never ceases.
There were a few more things too, but I can't for the life of me remember them now. We ended up heading out of Vancouver mid-afternoonish. We were very brain fried.
Wednesday
--------
10:20am - Back at Children's for day 2. At least this time we didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn. First appointment was a bone density scan. I had never seen one of these before, so I didn't quite know how to prep Doug. By this point in his life, he has had enough medical tests and examinations to be (understandably) hesitant. Asking him to lie _completely_ still on a moving table while a machine makes noise and moves an ominous looking arm back and forth over his body for several minutes at a time was NOT looking good. The technicians were spectacular. (I guess you wouldn't work at that hospital if you didn't have a way with kids) They managed to convince him to lie down. We held him still with (just a little) masking tape, and they managed to get a few passable scans. No word on results is expected until our next clinic visit. I expect this is baseline data.
2:20pm - Cardiology. Well, the heart is a muscle too, so cardiology is very interested in Doug. And Doug, well, as nice as the people are, just doesn't want to do blood pressure. He wasn't keen on the EKG either - but it was far less of a battle than his previous 3. Those stickers really don't like to come off of his tender little skin - and he remembers it. Follow that up with an ultrasound - another challenge to attach electrodes and have him lie still. By the time we saw the cardiologist in person (the previous tests being done by 3-4 different technicians) I'm pretty burned out. Burying my stress and being "Calm And Reassuring Man" to my kid for 2 days of intense testing takes a lot out of me. There is nothing really new to report from cardiology. Doug's heart is still slightly enlarged, and the doctor is proposing some medication to ease the workload on his heart. The catch is that there is no hard evidence to show that it WILL do anything. But it _probably_ has _some_ benefit, while carrying a _low_ likelihood of _somewhat_ adverse side effects. How's that for hard medical evidence to make a decision on? We've filled the prescription, but are doing to do a little looking on our own first before deciding whether or not to give it to him. We weren't in a frame of mind to make that sort of decision on that day. The doctor respected that, and was completely fine with our approach.
So, after a "lighter" second day, we hit rush hour to battle our way back home.
And there you have it, a glimpse into a couple of days of medical appointments. This clinic repeats itself every 6 months in our lives. It is a little more involved, and a little longer each time 'round. So if you see me looking a little drained after one of these, please be patient and understanding. Thanks.
Oh yeah. We were home for about half an hour before we had to be at school for Meet The Teacher night. I hope the teacher doesn't think we're normally zombies.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Living Life at Full Volume
It's been a long time since I've had a chance to blog. I've been out of the country, and when I got back it's straight into crunch time at work. We've got a client with a tight deadline, and I got duped into the project management role. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but it has sucked every bit of my time and energy since I've landed.
So, what does this have to do with Living Life at Full Volume? It's about taking the fragmented pieces of life, and enjoying each and every one of them. It's about taking life, and cranking up the volume so you hear each and every note.
September is a busy month. It's especially busy with Doug starting Kindergarten. It's not so much the starting Kindergarten that's the problem, it's the fact that with his 5th birthday he transitions from one medical system to another. We get to go through an entire new set of assessments and meetings to train up another set of people on who Doug is. Don't get me wrong, their all great people, but we've spent a couple months now in transition meetings. First you have to transition out of one program, then you get to transition into another. And the binder of paperwork and reviews gets bigger. Toss in dealing with the school system - which is full of stories both good and bad. Will he be approved for the funding he needs? Will he GET the funding he is approved for? (Schools receive funding on a per student basis, but those funds are spent at the discretion of the local school. Doug's "bucket of money" may be pilfered from to go to other students.) The first few meetings with the school have been very vague on what exactly Doug's support will be. Nobody wants to say anything for sure.
So. Life is busy. Crazy busy. 2-3 school/medical appointments per week, unlimited overtime at work, seeing my family after a month away, and fall program startup season.
This is leaving me with little chunks of time scattered like a shotgun pellets across my calender. I find myself sitting down in little 1/2 hour chunks of time trying to do something while my mind races wildly away to what is going to happen next.
What I need to do is Live Life at Full Volume. Now is for now. If I'm working - I need to focus on work. No distractions, no "I'll just finish this off while I wait for the download to finish". If I'm helping the kids with their homework I will focus on their needs - not try to catch the news hour from the other room. When it's time to relax - that means relax. Ignore the e-mail, the MSN, the phone. Concentrate on relaxing. This is the hardest of all. I can make my body stop working, but my mind keeps churning.
Multitasking may seem to be an efficient way to live life - but do you really LIVE life?
So, what does this have to do with Living Life at Full Volume? It's about taking the fragmented pieces of life, and enjoying each and every one of them. It's about taking life, and cranking up the volume so you hear each and every note.
September is a busy month. It's especially busy with Doug starting Kindergarten. It's not so much the starting Kindergarten that's the problem, it's the fact that with his 5th birthday he transitions from one medical system to another. We get to go through an entire new set of assessments and meetings to train up another set of people on who Doug is. Don't get me wrong, their all great people, but we've spent a couple months now in transition meetings. First you have to transition out of one program, then you get to transition into another. And the binder of paperwork and reviews gets bigger. Toss in dealing with the school system - which is full of stories both good and bad. Will he be approved for the funding he needs? Will he GET the funding he is approved for? (Schools receive funding on a per student basis, but those funds are spent at the discretion of the local school. Doug's "bucket of money" may be pilfered from to go to other students.) The first few meetings with the school have been very vague on what exactly Doug's support will be. Nobody wants to say anything for sure.
So. Life is busy. Crazy busy. 2-3 school/medical appointments per week, unlimited overtime at work, seeing my family after a month away, and fall program startup season.
This is leaving me with little chunks of time scattered like a shotgun pellets across my calender. I find myself sitting down in little 1/2 hour chunks of time trying to do something while my mind races wildly away to what is going to happen next.
What I need to do is Live Life at Full Volume. Now is for now. If I'm working - I need to focus on work. No distractions, no "I'll just finish this off while I wait for the download to finish". If I'm helping the kids with their homework I will focus on their needs - not try to catch the news hour from the other room. When it's time to relax - that means relax. Ignore the e-mail, the MSN, the phone. Concentrate on relaxing. This is the hardest of all. I can make my body stop working, but my mind keeps churning.
Multitasking may seem to be an efficient way to live life - but do you really LIVE life?
Sunday, August 19, 2007
A Doug Moment
Every once in a while, something completely innocuous reminds me of Doug, and the challenges we face. I call these "Doug Moments". They are (generally) brief moments in time where our life situation strikes me deeply to the core.
Today I had another one.
I was "working out" in the hotel gym. (no that's not a typo) As I was resting in between exercises (as one my age tends to do more and more) I was telling myself that I really should take a few days off from all this exercise stuff. After all, what I'm really doing is tearing my muscles up, and I need to wait for my body to rebuild them. Then, I'll look just like Ah-nold.
It hit me then right in my gut. Doug's muscles don't rebuild the same way mine do. His break down, not build up. And there's not a bloody thing that I can do about it.
And for a few minutes there, life really sucked.
Today I had another one.
I was "working out" in the hotel gym. (no that's not a typo) As I was resting in between exercises (as one my age tends to do more and more) I was telling myself that I really should take a few days off from all this exercise stuff. After all, what I'm really doing is tearing my muscles up, and I need to wait for my body to rebuild them. Then, I'll look just like Ah-nold.
It hit me then right in my gut. Doug's muscles don't rebuild the same way mine do. His break down, not build up. And there's not a bloody thing that I can do about it.
And for a few minutes there, life really sucked.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
WWMS
What Would Mao Say.
That's my title for today. I'm currently in China, and now that I'm settling into a routine, I thought I would take some time to catch up with some of the thoughts that have been rattling around in my head. Only China has different ideas. You see - I cannot access my blog from here. I cannot read it, and I cannot post to it. It appears that the powers that be think blogs are a danger to their national security.
Well, my mental security is more important - so I've worked around the problem. But it's slow and tedious. It's hard enough to get motivated as it is. I don't need this new headache.
That's my title for today. I'm currently in China, and now that I'm settling into a routine, I thought I would take some time to catch up with some of the thoughts that have been rattling around in my head. Only China has different ideas. You see - I cannot access my blog from here. I cannot read it, and I cannot post to it. It appears that the powers that be think blogs are a danger to their national security.
Well, my mental security is more important - so I've worked around the problem. But it's slow and tedious. It's hard enough to get motivated as it is. I don't need this new headache.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The Road Ahead
It's been a month now since I held the Ride For Doug, and I haven't updated my blog yet with it. This truely isn't fair. It was an extremely moving experience to be part of that whole day, and it deserves it's time in print. So here we go.
The Ride For Doug was an emotional roller coaster. Did I plan for enough riders, is anyone going to show up? Will I have to worry about attitudes and safety during the ride? What if someone crashes or gets lost? What if people don't have fun? What am I overlooking? Will I be able to hold it together the whole time?
You know what? Once we finally got rolling - all of those worries vanished. It was an incredible day of riding. 17 bikes with friends, relatives, and strangers - all riding for a single purpose. It seems really shallow - but the simple action of a dozen and a half bikes riding down the road together moved me in ways that I cannot put into words.
At more than one point in the ride, I was almost moved to tears. I may have been - if real men didn't cry. (it gets the leather wet) I can clearly remember riding down 16th avenue and looking into my rear view mirror and seeing a line of bikes stretching back into the distance. I looked back, and I knew that I was not alone. By the simple action of riding with me for one afternoon, all of these people were telling me that they were behind me. Behind Doug.
At more than one time, I looked forward - and what did I see? Blind corners, potholes, cars in the oncoming lane, or lurking in driveways. Danger, peril, and uncertainty lined the road ahead. But all it took was a quick glance back to remind me of why I was there. I was riding for Doug. And I am not riding alone.
The Ride For Doug was an emotional roller coaster. Did I plan for enough riders, is anyone going to show up? Will I have to worry about attitudes and safety during the ride? What if someone crashes or gets lost? What if people don't have fun? What am I overlooking? Will I be able to hold it together the whole time?
You know what? Once we finally got rolling - all of those worries vanished. It was an incredible day of riding. 17 bikes with friends, relatives, and strangers - all riding for a single purpose. It seems really shallow - but the simple action of a dozen and a half bikes riding down the road together moved me in ways that I cannot put into words.
At more than one point in the ride, I was almost moved to tears. I may have been - if real men didn't cry. (it gets the leather wet) I can clearly remember riding down 16th avenue and looking into my rear view mirror and seeing a line of bikes stretching back into the distance. I looked back, and I knew that I was not alone. By the simple action of riding with me for one afternoon, all of these people were telling me that they were behind me. Behind Doug.
At more than one time, I looked forward - and what did I see? Blind corners, potholes, cars in the oncoming lane, or lurking in driveways. Danger, peril, and uncertainty lined the road ahead. But all it took was a quick glance back to remind me of why I was there. I was riding for Doug. And I am not riding alone.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Too Long
It's been far too long since I've made time to post here. The Ride For Doug has chewed up and spit out any spare time I may have had. There's a few updates on that website if you want to see them - www.ridefordoug.com.
I'll be off on a business trip for a whole month now. If I can get the internet connection in my hotel working, I'll do my best to "catch up" there.
I'll be off on a business trip for a whole month now. If I can get the internet connection in my hotel working, I'll do my best to "catch up" there.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
I'm not in control
This shouldn't really come as a surprise anymore, but I've really realized in the last week or two that I'm not in control.
Lately, my (now nicely computerized) schedule has been controlling me. I'm not double booked or anything, but I'm back in the mindset of "surviving the calendar". I feel guilty if I find myself sitting down and it's earlier than 10pm. I'm not living the moment, I'm surviving the day.
Then, on Tuesday, I visited a friend in the hospital. She was in the last days of a very brave and inspirational battle with cancer. I don't think that people going through things like that realize what an impact they have on those around them. They may not think they are doing anything special, but "we" are watching. We watch from the sidelines and admire the depth of their trust in God. We watch and learn how someone in the midst of one of life's most agonizing struggles still lifts their head in laughter. How they still carry the sparkle in their eyes. How they share their pain with those who support them. Yesterday, Carol's time with us on earth was up. And the world will never quite be the same again.
So what did I learn from this? I learned that God gives me pain and suffering so that I can better feel the pain and suffering of others. I learned that no matter what you are going through, there is always room for a little bit of joy. I learned that people out there are watching me, and how I handle the joys and sorrows of raising Doug. I've learned that no matter how brave the fight, God is in control of what, when, and how life happens.
And so I sit today - not quite in control. But I will live the moment, for I know not how many remain.
Lately, my (now nicely computerized) schedule has been controlling me. I'm not double booked or anything, but I'm back in the mindset of "surviving the calendar". I feel guilty if I find myself sitting down and it's earlier than 10pm. I'm not living the moment, I'm surviving the day.
Then, on Tuesday, I visited a friend in the hospital. She was in the last days of a very brave and inspirational battle with cancer. I don't think that people going through things like that realize what an impact they have on those around them. They may not think they are doing anything special, but "we" are watching. We watch from the sidelines and admire the depth of their trust in God. We watch and learn how someone in the midst of one of life's most agonizing struggles still lifts their head in laughter. How they still carry the sparkle in their eyes. How they share their pain with those who support them. Yesterday, Carol's time with us on earth was up. And the world will never quite be the same again.
So what did I learn from this? I learned that God gives me pain and suffering so that I can better feel the pain and suffering of others. I learned that no matter what you are going through, there is always room for a little bit of joy. I learned that people out there are watching me, and how I handle the joys and sorrows of raising Doug. I've learned that no matter how brave the fight, God is in control of what, when, and how life happens.
And so I sit today - not quite in control. But I will live the moment, for I know not how many remain.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Perspective
Perspective. What is it?
According to Websters, perspective is "the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance". In life this means that the important things are important and the unimportant things are not. Sounds really simple. Life lived in perspective is a life that makes sense. Somehow, I think I may have drifted.
In an effort to manage time more efficiently, our family is fully in the digital age. Each of us has a Microsoft Outlook calendar with our appointments and tasks on it. Yes, even our 4 year old. I've commissioned a laptop, whose sole purpose is to sit on the kitchen counter and display this information full screen in an "overlayed" mode - where each of our appointments are viewed in all their colour coded glory. What is happening though, is a little unexpected.
I now find myself rushing headlong through life "checking off tasks" as I complete them. Meeting downtown? Check. Pond field trip? Check. Work document edited and distributed? Check. Make an appearance at daughter's last roller blading? (hopefully) Check. Specialist appointment? Check. Sports Day? Check. Do dishes? Check. You get the idea. My focus is on getting the scheduled stuff done on time. The goal? To check off everything before it becomes past due. To quote a pathetic excuse for a hockey team "Git 'r done". I'm missing the whole point of the exercise - which is in the doing of the stuff.
I finally got a handle on this concept this morning. It has been rattling around in my head for a couple of weeks now, and I just couldn't make sense of it.[1] I was listening to a "sweet" sermon this morning by Kevin, and he made me think. One of the experiences he related from his life was watching one of the charter members of the church power wash the parking lot one day. John was doing the whole lot, not just the sidewalks and stuff. Anyhow, after watching him work on this all day, getting soaked with gritty dirty water, Kevin asked him if he enjoyed pressure washing or something. John's reply stuck with him. He said (something like) "I get more satisfaction from completing something truly worth doing than I would from simply having fun."
What wisdom. What perspective.
Satisfaction doesn't come from doing it all. Satisfaction comes from doing that which is truly worth doing. I need to take a step back from it all, and look for satisfaction in the doing. This means that while I drop in to see Samantha roller blade - she will have my undivided attention. I won't be on a conference call, or counting the minutes until I need to leave. I will be in the moment. That moment may not be very long (as I don't see a short term solution to the busyness), but for that moment I need to block out all distractions.
If it's truly worth doing, then it is truly worth doing well.
[1] I guess I should have scheduled some time to blog, eh?
According to Websters, perspective is "the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance". In life this means that the important things are important and the unimportant things are not. Sounds really simple. Life lived in perspective is a life that makes sense. Somehow, I think I may have drifted.
In an effort to manage time more efficiently, our family is fully in the digital age. Each of us has a Microsoft Outlook calendar with our appointments and tasks on it. Yes, even our 4 year old. I've commissioned a laptop, whose sole purpose is to sit on the kitchen counter and display this information full screen in an "overlayed" mode - where each of our appointments are viewed in all their colour coded glory. What is happening though, is a little unexpected.
I now find myself rushing headlong through life "checking off tasks" as I complete them. Meeting downtown? Check. Pond field trip? Check. Work document edited and distributed? Check. Make an appearance at daughter's last roller blading? (hopefully) Check. Specialist appointment? Check. Sports Day? Check. Do dishes? Check. You get the idea. My focus is on getting the scheduled stuff done on time. The goal? To check off everything before it becomes past due. To quote a pathetic excuse for a hockey team "Git 'r done". I'm missing the whole point of the exercise - which is in the doing of the stuff.
I finally got a handle on this concept this morning. It has been rattling around in my head for a couple of weeks now, and I just couldn't make sense of it.[1] I was listening to a "sweet" sermon this morning by Kevin, and he made me think. One of the experiences he related from his life was watching one of the charter members of the church power wash the parking lot one day. John was doing the whole lot, not just the sidewalks and stuff. Anyhow, after watching him work on this all day, getting soaked with gritty dirty water, Kevin asked him if he enjoyed pressure washing or something. John's reply stuck with him. He said (something like) "I get more satisfaction from completing something truly worth doing than I would from simply having fun."
What wisdom. What perspective.
Satisfaction doesn't come from doing it all. Satisfaction comes from doing that which is truly worth doing. I need to take a step back from it all, and look for satisfaction in the doing. This means that while I drop in to see Samantha roller blade - she will have my undivided attention. I won't be on a conference call, or counting the minutes until I need to leave. I will be in the moment. That moment may not be very long (as I don't see a short term solution to the busyness), but for that moment I need to block out all distractions.
If it's truly worth doing, then it is truly worth doing well.
[1] I guess I should have scheduled some time to blog, eh?
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Why Am I Doing This?
I've been wondering ever since I decided to hold the Ride for Doug why I'm doing it. What are my motives? It certainly isn't that I have too much spare time!
And I'm not sure I've figured out. I've got a few thoughts, and I'm sure that they all contribute. In no particular order:
And I'm not sure I've figured out. I've got a few thoughts, and I'm sure that they all contribute. In no particular order:
- I want to give back. Helping others is one of the best ways to stop thinking about yourself. Sometimes we have the skills and abilities to help with other people's problems even when we can't get our own crap together.
- I want to raise awareness of what Muscular Dystrophy is, and how to contribute to finding a cure.
- I want to feel the support of another community - the riding community. For my own strength.
- I want to go riding with some friends.
- I want to give Doug a chance to be the centre of attention around a bunch of motorcycles, and give him an event to look forward to each year.
I'm sure there's more. But I'm not sure I need to figure out why anymore. I'm starting to spread the word, and it won't be long until the "why" is quickly drowned out by the "how".
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Ride for Doug
I'm a classic procrastinator.
So, in an effort to hold myself accountable, I'm going to make an announcement in public so that if I fail to follow through you all can point and laugh at me.
Announcing the First Annual "Ride for Doug".
This will be an afternoon group motorcycle ride to raise awareness for Muscular Dystrophy (and to get some riding in). I meant to do this last year already, and procrastinated it right out of the riding season. So mark it down on your calendars now.[1]
I don't plan on doing the first one up as a super big deal - I've never been on a large group ride before - let alone led or organised one. I'll probably collect donations for one of the Muscular Dystrophy organisations, but I'm not looking to turn this into a big fundraising deal. It will be lucky if I can get enough time to organise a date and a route! This will be a ride for me to show Doug that I care, and to show him some of the others that care too.
So - all you fellow bikers - if you are interested in joining me, let me know. If you are gifted with time and organisational skills - let me know. If you've ever been a ride captain, sweep rider, or one of those shriners on the little teeny bikes - let me know.
[edit: I've started a new page for organizing this ride at RideForDoug.com. (There's also a link in my "Interesting Links" section.)
[1] Then tell me the date you marked down - so I can try to plan for the same date. :) (I'm likely looking at a Sunday afternoon in July)
So, in an effort to hold myself accountable, I'm going to make an announcement in public so that if I fail to follow through you all can point and laugh at me.
Announcing the First Annual "Ride for Doug".
This will be an afternoon group motorcycle ride to raise awareness for Muscular Dystrophy (and to get some riding in). I meant to do this last year already, and procrastinated it right out of the riding season. So mark it down on your calendars now.[1]
I don't plan on doing the first one up as a super big deal - I've never been on a large group ride before - let alone led or organised one. I'll probably collect donations for one of the Muscular Dystrophy organisations, but I'm not looking to turn this into a big fundraising deal. It will be lucky if I can get enough time to organise a date and a route! This will be a ride for me to show Doug that I care, and to show him some of the others that care too.
So - all you fellow bikers - if you are interested in joining me, let me know. If you are gifted with time and organisational skills - let me know. If you've ever been a ride captain, sweep rider, or one of those shriners on the little teeny bikes - let me know.
[edit: I've started a new page for organizing this ride at RideForDoug.com. (There's also a link in my "Interesting Links" section.)
[1] Then tell me the date you marked down - so I can try to plan for the same date. :) (I'm likely looking at a Sunday afternoon in July)
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Are you Tigger or Pooh?
I was involved in a conversation last night about personalities. The challenge was to figure out which Winnie the Pooh character best represents your life. I couldn't figure it out for me. A number of people in the group we were with identified with Eeyore or Rabbit, but those just aren't me. Tigger, likewise doesn't seem to match up. So I took a quiz.
Naturally, the discussion led towards whether or not we had a choice in our view of life. Are our predispositions an integral part of who we are, or do we have a choice in which lens we view life through. This was a much tougher question to answer, and one which we all wrestle with daily whether we know it or not. We don't have control of what goes on around us, so how can we expect to control how we approach life's challenges? When life is dishing up one insurmountable challenge after another, and the world is overwhelming you, what chance is there to alter how you look at the world? You barely have time to breathe, let alone the strength to change from a "worrier" to an "optimist". The best it seems you can do is weather the storm and just hang on. Personal growth isn't an option.
Or is it?
I read somewhere once that the most important things on the face of the earth are people. And that the only thing about people that lives forever is their character. The deeper the relationship with other people is, and the more time that passes, the more obvious this becomes. Strength of character is way more important than how much money you have, or how smart you are, or how successful you are in society. But wait, there's more. This book also suggested that every single decision and challenge we face in life has but one important outcome. Each of these situations shapes your character. I had thought about this before, but I'd always thought of it as "if I make this radical decision, I'll be changing my life - and my character". What I hadn't considered is that even when I follow the "same old same old" decision making process, I'm building my character. Every decision I make contributes to who I am, and how I will make the next decision. This means, that if I'm stuck in a rut of worry and distress, or of hopelessness and dispair, I'm only adding to the problem. I'm building a "stronger" character that I don't want to become.
Looking at the other side of this is much more positive. Everytime I make the "right" decision and weather a storm in a positive way, I'm building good character. This, in turn, gives me more strength to make another change for the next crisis. Even if I have trouble with the big stuff, I can still take postive steps with each and every little problem that comes up, and build up the character I need for the big stuff. This is great news!
And it also gives me a Point to Ponder. If character is one of the most important things on the face of the earth, and character is built through adversity, how short sighted is it of me to wallow in self pity? God is giving me the challenges every day that I need to become a better person. How sad it would be to go through life without challenge, and arrive at the far end without character. (for those of you following along with your mp3 players, cue "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor now)
As to which Pooh character I'm like? I'm not sure I really know. Oh bother.
Naturally, the discussion led towards whether or not we had a choice in our view of life. Are our predispositions an integral part of who we are, or do we have a choice in which lens we view life through. This was a much tougher question to answer, and one which we all wrestle with daily whether we know it or not. We don't have control of what goes on around us, so how can we expect to control how we approach life's challenges? When life is dishing up one insurmountable challenge after another, and the world is overwhelming you, what chance is there to alter how you look at the world? You barely have time to breathe, let alone the strength to change from a "worrier" to an "optimist". The best it seems you can do is weather the storm and just hang on. Personal growth isn't an option.
Or is it?
I read somewhere once that the most important things on the face of the earth are people. And that the only thing about people that lives forever is their character. The deeper the relationship with other people is, and the more time that passes, the more obvious this becomes. Strength of character is way more important than how much money you have, or how smart you are, or how successful you are in society. But wait, there's more. This book also suggested that every single decision and challenge we face in life has but one important outcome. Each of these situations shapes your character. I had thought about this before, but I'd always thought of it as "if I make this radical decision, I'll be changing my life - and my character". What I hadn't considered is that even when I follow the "same old same old" decision making process, I'm building my character. Every decision I make contributes to who I am, and how I will make the next decision. This means, that if I'm stuck in a rut of worry and distress, or of hopelessness and dispair, I'm only adding to the problem. I'm building a "stronger" character that I don't want to become.
Looking at the other side of this is much more positive. Everytime I make the "right" decision and weather a storm in a positive way, I'm building good character. This, in turn, gives me more strength to make another change for the next crisis. Even if I have trouble with the big stuff, I can still take postive steps with each and every little problem that comes up, and build up the character I need for the big stuff. This is great news!
And it also gives me a Point to Ponder. If character is one of the most important things on the face of the earth, and character is built through adversity, how short sighted is it of me to wallow in self pity? God is giving me the challenges every day that I need to become a better person. How sad it would be to go through life without challenge, and arrive at the far end without character. (for those of you following along with your mp3 players, cue "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor now)
As to which Pooh character I'm like? I'm not sure I really know. Oh bother.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Ducking, avoiding, and ignoring
Things in life come up that you really ought to deal with right away. These are things that shouldn't be a big deal, and shouldn't take that long to deal with. These are also the same things that I will procrastinate until the end of time. For me, these are things like: my taxes, my expense claims, writing requirements specifications, and blogging about some of the things we are working through with Doug.
I know that I should just do it - let my thoughts flow - and then read the outcome. There will probably be some understanding there that will make the chaos in my mind subside. So let the blogging (or flogging?) begin.
Doug will, at some point in his life, need a power wheelchair for all of his mobility needs. My head knows this, but every time I think about it there's a little dagger in my heart that twists just a little bit. I also know that much before this time, he will need a "regular" wheelchair for occasional use and long distances. Taking this to it's logical conclusion, this implies that at some point in his life, he will be getting his "first" wheelchair.
I think you can see where this is going.
We've got an appointment to fit Doug for his first wheelchair in a couple of weeks. He won't need it then any more than he needs it right now, but it takes kids a while to get used to things too. He still needs help with travelling for longer periods of time, and longer distances. We currently use a stroller for that, but a stroller isn't really suitable for a boy who is now closer to 5 then 4. So, we are going out wheelchair shopping.
For those of you who share the same heart-dagger I do, shed not too many tears. Look at this from the eyes of a boy whose muscles are weak. A wheelchair is a way to continue moving when the alternative is to wait in the car. We are not "putting him into a wheelchair". We are replacing his stroller with a wheelchair, and continuing to encourage him to walk and run whenever possible.
And from the eyes of his peers? From kids in wheelchairs we’ve talked to, it has been important to them that the wheelchair is seen by their peers as simply a part of their life. And kids accept that far more easily than grownups do. For kids, the wheelchair often helps explain why “Johnny” can’t do the same things as well as they can. Once they have an explanation, they continue on being kids. They don’t have the same mental roadblocks we do. Studies have shown that kids simply view the “technical aides” as an “extension” of the person.
All this is well and good to explain in a blog. But how do you explain it to a Doug and Samantha? I'm not as convinced that I'll be able to explain it well. Doug already has an inkling, and the memory of it breaks my little heart. We were on the phone a fair amount figuring out where and how and when to do this. Doug overhead part of a conversation. His response was "A wheelchair for Doug?" followed a few moments later by "I don't need a wheelchair" - delivered in the cutest pensive voice you ever heard.
Pray for wisdom in approaching this subject.
(I'll post again when we have so you'll know when we've told the kids)
I know that I should just do it - let my thoughts flow - and then read the outcome. There will probably be some understanding there that will make the chaos in my mind subside. So let the blogging (or flogging?) begin.
Doug will, at some point in his life, need a power wheelchair for all of his mobility needs. My head knows this, but every time I think about it there's a little dagger in my heart that twists just a little bit. I also know that much before this time, he will need a "regular" wheelchair for occasional use and long distances. Taking this to it's logical conclusion, this implies that at some point in his life, he will be getting his "first" wheelchair.
I think you can see where this is going.
We've got an appointment to fit Doug for his first wheelchair in a couple of weeks. He won't need it then any more than he needs it right now, but it takes kids a while to get used to things too. He still needs help with travelling for longer periods of time, and longer distances. We currently use a stroller for that, but a stroller isn't really suitable for a boy who is now closer to 5 then 4. So, we are going out wheelchair shopping.
For those of you who share the same heart-dagger I do, shed not too many tears. Look at this from the eyes of a boy whose muscles are weak. A wheelchair is a way to continue moving when the alternative is to wait in the car. We are not "putting him into a wheelchair". We are replacing his stroller with a wheelchair, and continuing to encourage him to walk and run whenever possible.
And from the eyes of his peers? From kids in wheelchairs we’ve talked to, it has been important to them that the wheelchair is seen by their peers as simply a part of their life. And kids accept that far more easily than grownups do. For kids, the wheelchair often helps explain why “Johnny” can’t do the same things as well as they can. Once they have an explanation, they continue on being kids. They don’t have the same mental roadblocks we do. Studies have shown that kids simply view the “technical aides” as an “extension” of the person.
All this is well and good to explain in a blog. But how do you explain it to a Doug and Samantha? I'm not as convinced that I'll be able to explain it well. Doug already has an inkling, and the memory of it breaks my little heart. We were on the phone a fair amount figuring out where and how and when to do this. Doug overhead part of a conversation. His response was "A wheelchair for Doug?" followed a few moments later by "I don't need a wheelchair" - delivered in the cutest pensive voice you ever heard.
Pray for wisdom in approaching this subject.
(I'll post again when we have so you'll know when we've told the kids)
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Just Perfect
Perfect. It's a tough meaure to live up to. Especially when it comes to being a parent. Being the perfect parent - especially when life throws you a curveball - is really really really hard.
But really, what other measuring stick is there? If you don't measure yourself against perfect, then what do you compare to? When you want to cut a piece of drywall in a straight line, you make your cut line with a ruler - you don't freehand it. (or at least I can't) If I were to use a scrap piece to draw a line, I wouldn't be getting an accurate line. I need to compare to a perfect straight edge.
But perfection, as life quickly teaches you, is an inhumanly impossible feat. Striving for perfection is a path that quickly leads to frustration. So what are we to do? Do we give up? Who has a perfect father anyways?
I do. I have a perfect father. My Father in heaven is absolutely perfect. That's a pretty darn high bar to match. And you know what? God demands perfection.
And if that's where it ended, life would really suck. But it doesn't end there. God, my perfect heavenly father, has provided a way. Through Jesus, I am forgiven for not measuring up to perfection. So I get the best of all worlds. I get an example of perfection to strive for - and a way of measuring how I am doing. But I also get released from the guilt of not measuring up. I am fully loved, and am perfect in his sight.
So I take this into my parenting philosophy. I need to strive for perfection. I also need to forgive myself for falling short. And THAT is where the key is to reducing stress. And the reduced stress? It results in better parenting. Go figure.
But really, what other measuring stick is there? If you don't measure yourself against perfect, then what do you compare to? When you want to cut a piece of drywall in a straight line, you make your cut line with a ruler - you don't freehand it. (or at least I can't) If I were to use a scrap piece to draw a line, I wouldn't be getting an accurate line. I need to compare to a perfect straight edge.
But perfection, as life quickly teaches you, is an inhumanly impossible feat. Striving for perfection is a path that quickly leads to frustration. So what are we to do? Do we give up? Who has a perfect father anyways?
I do. I have a perfect father. My Father in heaven is absolutely perfect. That's a pretty darn high bar to match. And you know what? God demands perfection.
And if that's where it ended, life would really suck. But it doesn't end there. God, my perfect heavenly father, has provided a way. Through Jesus, I am forgiven for not measuring up to perfection. So I get the best of all worlds. I get an example of perfection to strive for - and a way of measuring how I am doing. But I also get released from the guilt of not measuring up. I am fully loved, and am perfect in his sight.
So I take this into my parenting philosophy. I need to strive for perfection. I also need to forgive myself for falling short. And THAT is where the key is to reducing stress. And the reduced stress? It results in better parenting. Go figure.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Dark Side of the Moon
The Dark Side of the Moon. When the Apollo astronauts went around the back of the moon, they were completely cut off from Mission Control. They were completely blocked from all radio signals from anywhere on earth for what was for the crew - an eternity.
This last week has been our own Dark Side of the Moon experience. We unplugged from the world for about 4 days - and wonder of wonders - society survived without us. There's a lesson here about the difference between how badly we think we are needed, and how badly we really are needed. It certainly did NOT seem like an eternity to me. I could have done with a few more days of sleeping until noon, but who couldn't?
Part of our vacation involved taking in "The Dark Side of the Rainbow". This is where you sync up Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" album with "The Wizard of Oz" DVD. (note: iPod users - this has to be done with gapless playback to make it work best). It was a very trippy experience to watch the movie with only the subtitles on, and listen to an album that may very well have been written as a soundtrack for it...
As nice as it was, I'll admit to missing my kids and my e-mail. Strangely, the phone not so much. :)
I'm looking to use this relaxation time as a springboard to make a few course alterations in my attitude. I'm going to try to sweat the little stuff less. I'm not an uptight person (usually), but I'm going to put some more perspective on things. I'm also going to be more positive. I had a chance to reflect on how I interact with life, (and my family), and feel that I need to spend more time on the positives of life, and less on the negatives. I need to be an example for my kids.
Anyhow - I'm yet again rambling. I'll leave with the "two thumbs up" recommendation for Dark Side of the Rainbow. Thanks Darren for the suggestion!
This last week has been our own Dark Side of the Moon experience. We unplugged from the world for about 4 days - and wonder of wonders - society survived without us. There's a lesson here about the difference between how badly we think we are needed, and how badly we really are needed. It certainly did NOT seem like an eternity to me. I could have done with a few more days of sleeping until noon, but who couldn't?
Part of our vacation involved taking in "The Dark Side of the Rainbow". This is where you sync up Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" album with "The Wizard of Oz" DVD. (note: iPod users - this has to be done with gapless playback to make it work best). It was a very trippy experience to watch the movie with only the subtitles on, and listen to an album that may very well have been written as a soundtrack for it...
As nice as it was, I'll admit to missing my kids and my e-mail. Strangely, the phone not so much. :)
I'm looking to use this relaxation time as a springboard to make a few course alterations in my attitude. I'm going to try to sweat the little stuff less. I'm not an uptight person (usually), but I'm going to put some more perspective on things. I'm also going to be more positive. I had a chance to reflect on how I interact with life, (and my family), and feel that I need to spend more time on the positives of life, and less on the negatives. I need to be an example for my kids.
Anyhow - I'm yet again rambling. I'll leave with the "two thumbs up" recommendation for Dark Side of the Rainbow. Thanks Darren for the suggestion!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Spring Break - a time to recharge
It is Spring Break for the kids - starting today. For us it will be a time of slowing down, unplugging, and relaxing. The kids are off to their grand-parents tomorrow afternoon (after Doug's physio). After that point, Allison and I are unplugging completely and recharging.
We might go away (who knows where?) we might even stay around home. But for the rest of the week we will literally be unplugging the phone, turning the cell phone off, and banning Microsoft Outlook and MSN Messenger from our lives. We are going to simply recharge.
Have you heard of sleep debt? It's the mode your body gets into when you are low on sleep. It's like borrowing too much money from the bank. Before you get to feel good again, you have to pay it all back. Even a 12 hour sleep can leave you feeling tired if you are too far in debt. We are going to dedicate an entire day to debt repayment. The top priority for that day will be sleep. It will trump all other activities. And if we get tired of sleeping, well, we could always take a nap. I am so looking forward to it. It will be like Disneyland for Parents.
Hopefully this break will give me more patience and perspective. I'll see you next week!
We might go away (who knows where?) we might even stay around home. But for the rest of the week we will literally be unplugging the phone, turning the cell phone off, and banning Microsoft Outlook and MSN Messenger from our lives. We are going to simply recharge.
Have you heard of sleep debt? It's the mode your body gets into when you are low on sleep. It's like borrowing too much money from the bank. Before you get to feel good again, you have to pay it all back. Even a 12 hour sleep can leave you feeling tired if you are too far in debt. We are going to dedicate an entire day to debt repayment. The top priority for that day will be sleep. It will trump all other activities. And if we get tired of sleeping, well, we could always take a nap. I am so looking forward to it. It will be like Disneyland for Parents.
Hopefully this break will give me more patience and perspective. I'll see you next week!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Why? How? (Revisited)
One of the things that I frequently find myself wondering is "why". Why does God let suffering happen in the world, and in particular, why does God let this much suffering happen to me. Writing it down makes it sound sort of selfish. But still I wonder. Isn't the life of a child one of the most precious things on the face of the earth? How could any rational being sit by and watch a child suffer while having the power to do something about it?[1] Why is he doing this to us?
Then, after I've had a chance to ponder for a while, I come to the question of "how". When I sit and think, I can sometimes reach the place where I can accept that Doug is different because God wants him to be different. He has a purpose. Then I move on to the question of "how". (and feel quite proud that I made it past the "why" step ever so temporarily). How is God going to use him. What great and powerful thing will Doug do in his life to make this all worthwhile? How is God going to work this out? When? (I think you know where this is going...)
You know what though? There's another step to take. A sideways step. I need to step outside the chain of questions. I need to trust. Trust is when believing is enough. Trust is when the character of God is all that you need to know about. Trust is believing that God is good, righteous, and loving. Trust is believing that an all powerful, loving God has a plan, and that the plan is good. Trust is letting go of the how, why, when questions, and accepting where we are today. "Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it." (Psalms 37:5)
Trust is a very peaceful place.
[1] Just as I was writing this, I had a side thought. How hypocritical to blame God. I idly sit by and let the world suffer every day. I drive by the homeless without a care in the world, I watch stories of suffering families around the world on the news. I see people struggling in life, and decide that I'm too busy to help them - they'll have to figure it out themselves. Maybe God isn't sitting idly by. Maybe he is giving his followers - us - me - the resources and abilities to make a difference, and I am the one dropping the ball. That's not really what I sat down to blog about, but this footnote is where I ended up. I guess this is why I blog...
Then, after I've had a chance to ponder for a while, I come to the question of "how". When I sit and think, I can sometimes reach the place where I can accept that Doug is different because God wants him to be different. He has a purpose. Then I move on to the question of "how". (and feel quite proud that I made it past the "why" step ever so temporarily). How is God going to use him. What great and powerful thing will Doug do in his life to make this all worthwhile? How is God going to work this out? When? (I think you know where this is going...)
You know what though? There's another step to take. A sideways step. I need to step outside the chain of questions. I need to trust. Trust is when believing is enough. Trust is when the character of God is all that you need to know about. Trust is believing that God is good, righteous, and loving. Trust is believing that an all powerful, loving God has a plan, and that the plan is good. Trust is letting go of the how, why, when questions, and accepting where we are today. "Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it." (Psalms 37:5)
Trust is a very peaceful place.
[1] Just as I was writing this, I had a side thought. How hypocritical to blame God. I idly sit by and let the world suffer every day. I drive by the homeless without a care in the world, I watch stories of suffering families around the world on the news. I see people struggling in life, and decide that I'm too busy to help them - they'll have to figure it out themselves. Maybe God isn't sitting idly by. Maybe he is giving his followers - us - me - the resources and abilities to make a difference, and I am the one dropping the ball. That's not really what I sat down to blog about, but this footnote is where I ended up. I guess this is why I blog...
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Manna From Heaven?
How many of you have ever heard the Lord's Prayer? Growing up, we had to recite it every morning in school, right after we sang Oh Canada. (or was it right before?). I don't think they do that anymore.
Anyhow - life has been busy lately. So busy we didn't have a chance to get out and go grocery shopping. This has created some interesting meal combinations. I had a meeting downtown on Wednesday, and was looking in the pantry for breakfast. Boy were we out. We needed to get out to a grocery store soon. Looks like I'm going into my meeting on an empty stomach.
Then, what should we find at the front door? It seems the "free sample" people have been around. They left an Oatmeal To Go package, and a 1/2 sized box of Life cereal. Breakfast is served! It reminded me of the Israelites leaving Egypt, and getting fed manna every morning.
So what does that mean to me? I got to thinking. Do I rely on God enough for my daily needs? Am I too dependent on my own skills and abilities? I sometimes wonder how I will ever manage to provide for the needs of my family. There's always just one more thing that we need to do/get. Perhaps the whole point of the exercise is that I'm not supposed to manage. Maybe, just maybe, my life is getting so busy because God is deliberately letting me get overloaded so that he can finally drive it through my thick skull that I'm not the one in charge of providing. I'm merely one of the many vessels that God pours his provisions through.
I'm going to let these thoughts rattle around a bit and see what comes out.
Anyhow - life has been busy lately. So busy we didn't have a chance to get out and go grocery shopping. This has created some interesting meal combinations. I had a meeting downtown on Wednesday, and was looking in the pantry for breakfast. Boy were we out. We needed to get out to a grocery store soon. Looks like I'm going into my meeting on an empty stomach.
Then, what should we find at the front door? It seems the "free sample" people have been around. They left an Oatmeal To Go package, and a 1/2 sized box of Life cereal. Breakfast is served! It reminded me of the Israelites leaving Egypt, and getting fed manna every morning.
So what does that mean to me? I got to thinking. Do I rely on God enough for my daily needs? Am I too dependent on my own skills and abilities? I sometimes wonder how I will ever manage to provide for the needs of my family. There's always just one more thing that we need to do/get. Perhaps the whole point of the exercise is that I'm not supposed to manage. Maybe, just maybe, my life is getting so busy because God is deliberately letting me get overloaded so that he can finally drive it through my thick skull that I'm not the one in charge of providing. I'm merely one of the many vessels that God pours his provisions through.
I'm going to let these thoughts rattle around a bit and see what comes out.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Today.
Allison and I got some time kid-free this last weekend, and decided to try going on a date again. We took Saturday night and went out to Abbotsford for dinner and a concert. It was a Brian Doersken concert - a great worship music leader and artist.
It was a great concert, musically speaking. The sound was great, our seats were great (aside from the guy sitting in front of us how received/made at least 8 calls during the concert). The only problem was that I wasn't feeling very connected. I had expected to be drawn into a meaningful time of worship - yet I felt like I was sitting in an island amongst a sea of hundreds of passionate worshippers. I thought about this through the first half of the concert, and came to a realization. Worship is not something that someone else can pull you into. It's something that you have to do for yourself. It must come from an act of the will within you. Worship is a part of a personal relationship, and in a personal relationship, there is no room for passengers.
There were two things that stood out for me during the concert. Brian has two children who have Fragile X Syndrome. He told us a frightening statistic - that 80% of marriages with disabled children end in divorce. I found that shocking, and quite frightening. My first thought is that there's no way I want to end up in that 80%, and I'll have to work hard at it. My second thought was that I'll be meeting and getting to know a fair number of people in this category over the years. I need to maintain my marriage in a way that is a hope and inspiration to others who may be struggling.
The second thing that stood out for me was the song Today. I was struck about how we make a commitment to live for Christ, and "accept him into our lives". We tend to think of this as a one time event - like getting married. The truth of the matter is that this commitment doesn't really mean much unless we live TODAY for him. Each and every day we have a choice to make. We can live for the vain pursuits of the world, or we can live for the things that are eternally important. I'm going to make a conscious effort to start each and every day for the next little while listening to this song - and reminding myself that yesterday and tomorrow aren't what is important. Today is where I am, and today is where I need to make my choices. Today.
(in other news, my heart is breaking today. I've just heard that a good friend has been diagnosed with cancer. pray that I can be of some comfort and help.)
It was a great concert, musically speaking. The sound was great, our seats were great (aside from the guy sitting in front of us how received/made at least 8 calls during the concert). The only problem was that I wasn't feeling very connected. I had expected to be drawn into a meaningful time of worship - yet I felt like I was sitting in an island amongst a sea of hundreds of passionate worshippers. I thought about this through the first half of the concert, and came to a realization. Worship is not something that someone else can pull you into. It's something that you have to do for yourself. It must come from an act of the will within you. Worship is a part of a personal relationship, and in a personal relationship, there is no room for passengers.
There were two things that stood out for me during the concert. Brian has two children who have Fragile X Syndrome. He told us a frightening statistic - that 80% of marriages with disabled children end in divorce. I found that shocking, and quite frightening. My first thought is that there's no way I want to end up in that 80%, and I'll have to work hard at it. My second thought was that I'll be meeting and getting to know a fair number of people in this category over the years. I need to maintain my marriage in a way that is a hope and inspiration to others who may be struggling.
The second thing that stood out for me was the song Today. I was struck about how we make a commitment to live for Christ, and "accept him into our lives". We tend to think of this as a one time event - like getting married. The truth of the matter is that this commitment doesn't really mean much unless we live TODAY for him. Each and every day we have a choice to make. We can live for the vain pursuits of the world, or we can live for the things that are eternally important. I'm going to make a conscious effort to start each and every day for the next little while listening to this song - and reminding myself that yesterday and tomorrow aren't what is important. Today is where I am, and today is where I need to make my choices. Today.
(in other news, my heart is breaking today. I've just heard that a good friend has been diagnosed with cancer. pray that I can be of some comfort and help.)
Thursday, March 1, 2007
There's good news too!
I've noticed that I tend to blog most when I'm feeling down. When things are going well, and I'm happy, I'm too busy being happy to bother to write about it.
So, in an effort to balance out my entries, I give you the following...
So, in an effort to balance out my entries, I give you the following...
- I'm HAPPY that the squirrel in my attic has been convinced to move out in a very final way.
- I'm HAPPY that it didn't seem to come in through the same holes as last time, and that my efforts at locking it out last time were not directly thwarted.
- I'm somewhat less HAPPY that the stupid thing chewed through not one, but at least two roof vents (about 6 months old). He's damaged at least 4 others...
- I'm HAPPY that Cora (from the Langley Child Development Centre) was able to take a few minutes today to put things into perspective. She has a true gift for meeting families in need.
- I'm HAPPY that I have a roof (without too many new holes) above my head, and food to eat in my refrigerator.
- I'm HAPPY that we only have another week to go without a working kitchen sink.
- I'm HAPPY that our oven should be working in about the same amount of time.
- I'm REALLY HAPPY that the microwave has been invented.
So you see? Sometimes, it is all good.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Something is missing here...
Today is a frustrating day.
Poor Douglas sits downstairs, watching TV. It's not what he wants to do, it's not what we want him to do, and it's not what is best for him. But it's what is happening.
Why?
Because we are dealing with his "administrative" side. We've got more medical opinions and diagnosis than I knew existed, and with them are suggested treatment programmes. To help us with the treatment programmes, there is funding. To get the funding, you have to do the paperwork. It's ongoing. So, instead of teaching and playing with Doug, Allison sits in my office filling out forms. Once those are complete - we get to track down, interview, and book various therapists for him. At least we could - if someone could point us to a good one! It feels so wrong to just pick a name at random from a phone book. But to find a good one, requires research, and THAT requires more time. And Douglas sits in front of the TV.
As a result of all the extra help that he needs/gets, he gets to spend less time with us - because we need to "manage" it all. We want to find the best possible help for him - but at what cost? Where do we draw the line between finding the best help, and saving enough time and energy for our family life?
Make it all stop.
Poor Douglas sits downstairs, watching TV. It's not what he wants to do, it's not what we want him to do, and it's not what is best for him. But it's what is happening.
Why?
Because we are dealing with his "administrative" side. We've got more medical opinions and diagnosis than I knew existed, and with them are suggested treatment programmes. To help us with the treatment programmes, there is funding. To get the funding, you have to do the paperwork. It's ongoing. So, instead of teaching and playing with Doug, Allison sits in my office filling out forms. Once those are complete - we get to track down, interview, and book various therapists for him. At least we could - if someone could point us to a good one! It feels so wrong to just pick a name at random from a phone book. But to find a good one, requires research, and THAT requires more time. And Douglas sits in front of the TV.
As a result of all the extra help that he needs/gets, he gets to spend less time with us - because we need to "manage" it all. We want to find the best possible help for him - but at what cost? Where do we draw the line between finding the best help, and saving enough time and energy for our family life?
Make it all stop.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Thought for Today
Today's thought to keep me sane:
No matter how many labels are attached, and how thick the binder of diagnosis gets, the little boy in the room down the hall remains unchanged. He is my son, created in the image of God, and entrusted to me to love.
No matter how many labels are attached, and how thick the binder of diagnosis gets, the little boy in the room down the hall remains unchanged. He is my son, created in the image of God, and entrusted to me to love.
The more things change, the more they stay the same
I thought for sure I had blogged about my battle with the squirrels last year - but I couldn't find it. It was a good story. Oh well.
It looks like I'll get to make another one. I hear the pitter-patter of little feet again the other morning. Very little feet. Above my head. I've got a squirrel (or maybe more?) in my attic again. I thought I had done a thorough job after the last eviction of screwing closed all of the possible entry points. I guess I missed one.
On the plus side, it doesn't really seem to be all that big a deal anymore. I guess if you have enough troubles in life, you start grading them on the curve. This squirrel doesn't even rate a C- (yet).
At least I've already got the ladder inside (been painting again).
Reno update:
- hole made in ceiling by plumber - repaired and re-stippled (painting required)
- paint applied
- counter installation booked for this week (need to rip out the old)
- new stove repair booked for this week
To Do:
- prime and paint dining room ceiling
- paint baseboards and crown moulding
- drywall bathroom
- paint bathroom
- repair subfloor (bathroom)
- replace flooring (bathroom)
- install shower door
Hmmm. Not a lot of this is on topic today. That happens when you don't get much sleep. Never start "just one coat of paint" at 10:00pm. (unless, of course, you LIKE finishing at 3:30am...)
It looks like I'll get to make another one. I hear the pitter-patter of little feet again the other morning. Very little feet. Above my head. I've got a squirrel (or maybe more?) in my attic again. I thought I had done a thorough job after the last eviction of screwing closed all of the possible entry points. I guess I missed one.
On the plus side, it doesn't really seem to be all that big a deal anymore. I guess if you have enough troubles in life, you start grading them on the curve. This squirrel doesn't even rate a C- (yet).
At least I've already got the ladder inside (been painting again).
Reno update:
- hole made in ceiling by plumber - repaired and re-stippled (painting required)
- paint applied
- counter installation booked for this week (need to rip out the old)
- new stove repair booked for this week
To Do:
- prime and paint dining room ceiling
- paint baseboards and crown moulding
- drywall bathroom
- paint bathroom
- repair subfloor (bathroom)
- replace flooring (bathroom)
- install shower door
Hmmm. Not a lot of this is on topic today. That happens when you don't get much sleep. Never start "just one coat of paint" at 10:00pm. (unless, of course, you LIKE finishing at 3:30am...)
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Kids are so perceptive - and accepting!
So far, in Doug's preschool, there has only been one kid who has asked about what is wrong with Doug. One day, on the playground, Emily came up to Allison and asked "What's wrong with Doug?" She asked it in the direct, yet completely innocent way that only kids can. "His muscles don't work the same way that yours and mine do" Allison responded. And before Allison could prepare to answer the expected battery of "why" questions, Emily simply said "Ok" and wandered off.
Kids are so accepting. When do we grow out of this? It's no wonder why Jesus loved kids so much, and why he said "the kingdom of God belongs to such as these" (Luke 18:16) They are so accepting of people for who they are.
This week, in another conversation at preschool, some more light was shed on the topic. Emily's uncle (who lives with them) also has Muscular Dystrophy. The explaination Allison gave her was the same one she heard from her parents about her uncle.
It's a small world, isn't it?
Kids are so accepting. When do we grow out of this? It's no wonder why Jesus loved kids so much, and why he said "the kingdom of God belongs to such as these" (Luke 18:16) They are so accepting of people for who they are.
This week, in another conversation at preschool, some more light was shed on the topic. Emily's uncle (who lives with them) also has Muscular Dystrophy. The explaination Allison gave her was the same one she heard from her parents about her uncle.
It's a small world, isn't it?
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Needed - One Administrative Assistant
I think I've figured out what type of help is the most needed for families dealing with long term disabilities. An Admin Assistant.
The amount of paperwork that is generated by each appointment is remarkable. They've all got their own forms, and they all ask almost the same questions. Then there is the scheduling.
Working all of these different appointments is a scheduling nightmare. I think this might be a key contributor to many of the stressors we parents of disabled children face. We want the absolute best for our kids - so the schedule is important. But I'm booking things into May and June on my calendar right now - and Outlook is already advising me that I have double booked myself twice! That just boggles the mind. And none of it can be simple, everything has to be booked around work, and school, and the occasional social appointment that sneaks in. (I can see these being eliminated soon due to the amount of energy it takes to make happen) We spent a day and a half getting ready for, and booking the outcomes from, our one day at Children's Hospital yesterday.
To give you an example of the types of things we're up against: Doug is supposed to see the paediatrician every 6 months, and Children's Hospital every 6 months. They are supposed to be offset, so he's seeing one of them every 3 months. The paediatrician doesn't book appointments 6 months in advance, he only does 3. So, today we called for an appointment. Since our last appointment was about 7 months ago, our referral has expired - meaning we need to book another appointment with our family doctor to get a referral to be booked into our regular 6 month cycle.
Anyhow - if there's anyone out there listening from BC Medical or the CCRA (or whatever the heck the tax people are called now) - there's got to be some sort of admin assistant allowance for families for this. 'Cause I don't think I can manage this on my own.
The amount of paperwork that is generated by each appointment is remarkable. They've all got their own forms, and they all ask almost the same questions. Then there is the scheduling.
Working all of these different appointments is a scheduling nightmare. I think this might be a key contributor to many of the stressors we parents of disabled children face. We want the absolute best for our kids - so the schedule is important. But I'm booking things into May and June on my calendar right now - and Outlook is already advising me that I have double booked myself twice! That just boggles the mind. And none of it can be simple, everything has to be booked around work, and school, and the occasional social appointment that sneaks in. (I can see these being eliminated soon due to the amount of energy it takes to make happen) We spent a day and a half getting ready for, and booking the outcomes from, our one day at Children's Hospital yesterday.
To give you an example of the types of things we're up against: Doug is supposed to see the paediatrician every 6 months, and Children's Hospital every 6 months. They are supposed to be offset, so he's seeing one of them every 3 months. The paediatrician doesn't book appointments 6 months in advance, he only does 3. So, today we called for an appointment. Since our last appointment was about 7 months ago, our referral has expired - meaning we need to book another appointment with our family doctor to get a referral to be booked into our regular 6 month cycle.
Anyhow - if there's anyone out there listening from BC Medical or the CCRA (or whatever the heck the tax people are called now) - there's got to be some sort of admin assistant allowance for families for this. 'Cause I don't think I can manage this on my own.
Come to Me, all who are weak and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
Mathew 11:28 is currently on my mind.
I am weak. I am heavy-laden. I need rest.
I just don't seem to have time or presence of mind to do the "Come to Me" part. I'm caught up in the struggle to keep myself afloat in the stormy seas - thrashing with all my might to catch my next breath. I'm so caught up, in fact, that I am ignoring the life preserver that God is holding out for me to grab onto. I need to snap out of this. For my sake, for my family's sake, and for Doug's sake.
I am weak. I am heavy-laden. I need rest.
I just don't seem to have time or presence of mind to do the "Come to Me" part. I'm caught up in the struggle to keep myself afloat in the stormy seas - thrashing with all my might to catch my next breath. I'm so caught up, in fact, that I am ignoring the life preserver that God is holding out for me to grab onto. I need to snap out of this. For my sake, for my family's sake, and for Doug's sake.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
A Tale of Two Dentists
It was only a week ago I made my semi-annual trek to the dentist. I'm not a fan of going to "the gum butcher", but I go. Anyhow, the x-rays came back, and the dentist says that the "trouble spot" we were watching hasn't gone away, and I'll need a filling. Hmmm. Perhaps HE was watching a trouble spot - I was trying to think of other things! So at the end of my hour of torture, er, cleaning, I went to book my appointment. As I'm paying my bill, and booking my time, I notice something new in the office. There's a "comment box" on the counter. Only it's not just for comments. It's also for prayer requests. That's right - my dentist wants to pray for his patients! I was so shocked I forgot to fill out the request. I figured I'd do one on when I got my filling done.
Today in church, we heard about another dentist's office. This one was not as nice a story. An evil influence has come into their office, and the lives of the people working there are being systematically attacked. Like a cancer spreading through a body, all of a sudden there are several employees heading into divorces. We were asked to pray for healing, intervention, and protection for those working there. I'm seriously considering just stopping by my dentist's office to fill out a prayer request for them. I figure who better to pray for one dental office than another!
Oh - and I missed out the most mind boggling part of all of it. I got a phone call from my dentist's office shortly after my cleaning. They had "reviewed" the x-rays, and decided that a filling was not necessary, and would it be alright if they cancelled my second appointment! I have never heard of that happening to anyone else before! I was thinking that that was what I should have put in the box...
Today in church, we heard about another dentist's office. This one was not as nice a story. An evil influence has come into their office, and the lives of the people working there are being systematically attacked. Like a cancer spreading through a body, all of a sudden there are several employees heading into divorces. We were asked to pray for healing, intervention, and protection for those working there. I'm seriously considering just stopping by my dentist's office to fill out a prayer request for them. I figure who better to pray for one dental office than another!
Oh - and I missed out the most mind boggling part of all of it. I got a phone call from my dentist's office shortly after my cleaning. They had "reviewed" the x-rays, and decided that a filling was not necessary, and would it be alright if they cancelled my second appointment! I have never heard of that happening to anyone else before! I was thinking that that was what I should have put in the box...
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Bikers and Telethons
This is an interesting time of year for us. The end of January brings with it the Vancouver Motorcycle Show. This is a fun time for us, and I took Doug there today. Whoever says that 4 year olds have short attention spans should have been there today. We arrived at about 3:00pm, and started to make the rounds. We bumped into friends (hi Roland and Mark), and checked out a LOT of new bikes. This year Doug was especially interested in the smaller "kid sized" bikes. He liked to try several sizes out before deciding which ones were "too big". Bittersweet. At any rate, we went hard for 4 hours of booths and bikes and bikes and booths before finally exitting at 7:00 in search of food. There was not a single moment during that entire time that Doug was NOT smiling. And he was spreading cheer everywhere he went - a big beaming smile and a black leather jacket will do that, I guess. Anyhow - it was a good break from the seriousness of life.
January is also the time where they start to hype the Childrens Telethon. There are frequent commercials about kids with disabilities that have been helped. In one way it is reasuring to see the outpouring of help from the community - yet in another it is saddening to know that one day our kid may be the one in the commercial. This is all comes as we approach another "anniversary" of his diagnosis. Highs and lows. Who ever said life would be boring.
Anyhow, that's it for today.
January is also the time where they start to hype the Childrens Telethon. There are frequent commercials about kids with disabilities that have been helped. In one way it is reasuring to see the outpouring of help from the community - yet in another it is saddening to know that one day our kid may be the one in the commercial. This is all comes as we approach another "anniversary" of his diagnosis. Highs and lows. Who ever said life would be boring.
Anyhow, that's it for today.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Long Time No Blog
I don't think you can really ever understand the self induced pressure that having a blog puts you under. I'll bet that 99 out of 100 people who start a blog lose interest and quit much sooner than they would ever admit to you. Worse yet, most of these people let their blog linger and die a slow death as they refuse to admit to themselves that they have failed.
I don't want to become one of them, but I must admit I'm finding this challenging. The times when I have the most "content" to publish is when I am in the midst of a struggle. That's when I'm experiencing the emotions, and living the experience. Unfortunately, that's when I have no time. Once out of the stress of the moment, I cycle into a completely drained time where I lack the energy to blog. You see where I'm going here?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that today's entry is more of a catch up of loose ends, and not to expect anything too deep here. Let's see, what has happened recently....
On the "home improvement" front
I don't want to become one of them, but I must admit I'm finding this challenging. The times when I have the most "content" to publish is when I am in the midst of a struggle. That's when I'm experiencing the emotions, and living the experience. Unfortunately, that's when I have no time. Once out of the stress of the moment, I cycle into a completely drained time where I lack the energy to blog. You see where I'm going here?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that today's entry is more of a catch up of loose ends, and not to expect anything too deep here. Let's see, what has happened recently....
On the "home improvement" front
- Main floors, baseboards, and crown mouldings are in
- New couches arrived
- Fireplace (!) installed (heck, it's all credit anyways)
- Kitchen counters due in a week or two
- TV blew up just in time for the Boxing Week sale, so we had to replace THAT too
On the "work" front
- Everytime we have a meeting with a downtown client there is a major natural disaster that occurs. This notably includes several major windstorms knocking down 3/4 of the trees in Stanley Park, and popping BC Place. (we drove by the stadium 5 minutes after it deflated - having just joked about our natural disaster magnetism
- Had to make a presentation "live via sattelite" to a potential client overseas - this is another stressful situation that I didn't realize I stressed out about until it was done
On the "home" front
- Kids and Allison have all been sick. So far I've avoided it, but you KNOW I'm going to get hit hard once they're all better.
- The foot and a half of snow that fell has NOT flooded our crawlspace, in spite of the large puddle at the end of my driveway that is working it's way up
There's much much more, but I figure I've probably bored you (and me) enough.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Testing
I'm testing an automatic blog change notifier from www.RSSFWD.com. Hopefully this will allow people to subscribe to my blog, and get articles in their e-mail as I post them. I'll likely evaluate www.squeet.com too, but that requires an account subscription. Both are free options.
This message is entirely for my own benefit, and I may delete it at any time.
This message is entirely for my own benefit, and I may delete it at any time.
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