Home for Now?

I don't really have much to say today. I'm finally home! But I'm off again... Brazil this time, but only for a week.

Doug had a physiotherapist appointment yesterday. We finally made it to the top of the waiting list. I have mixed feelings over this. It will be harder for my "ignore" defense mechanism to cope when we are reminded regularly with "doctor's appointments". On the other hand, I want the best possible care for Doug. He is such a cute little kid. His smile lights up my day.

A Long Way From Home

Well, I've been on the road for a while now. I left for Torino and the Olympics on the 4th of February. It's now the 17th of March, and I've only been home for about 6 days. I'm in Melbourne now, and won't be back until the 8th of April.

I've found that I have two personalities. There's "at home Cam" and "on the road Cam". On the road Cam doesn't seem to have any connection at all to home. I think it's a defense mechanism whereby I limit my external world to only what is necessary for my day to day survival. This isn't 100% successful. Calling home, e-mails, and other things bring "at home Cam" to the surface. Usually this is good - I like my connections to home. Sometimes it brings up pain that I'm not ready for.

In some ways, seeing the EAD events (Elite Athletes with a Disability) is one of these triggers. From where I sit "at the office", I can see live feeds from all the competition venues. The disabled athlete events are mixed in with the ablebodied (as they should be!). Occasionally I look up to see these athletes who are overcoming great challenges and am both profoundly impressed. Other times I look at them and and am deeply saddened to be a little TOO close to their world.

Anyhow, I probably won't blog again until I'm back home. "On the Road Cam" isn't up to too many of these sessions.

The Holidays

We first had serious enough questions about Doug's balance at Christmas time. Seeing him playing with all the other kids his age is what made us first seriously wonder if something was wrong. This year, we are reminded of those questions with every family get together. It was at a family gathering that we were encouraged to "trust our instincts" and book him an appointment.

It has been a mixture of emotions this holiday season with the "ups" of the season, and the "downs" of remembering.

I'm not looking forward to February. I fly out on a buisness trips for 3 weeks. I leave on Feb 3rd - the "first anniversary" of the day our world turned completely upside down. It is going to be a very difficult time emotionally - particularly for Allison. Pray for strength and encouragement for her.

It all comes back to me now...

What a rough week.

We had an appointment on Thursday with Medical Genetics at Children's Hospital. We didn't know what the appointment was for. I guess we've gotten into the habit of taking the appointments without asking too many questions.

Anyhow - we figured that with it being genetics, it wasn't likely to be "new" news, so we didn't worry too much. Or so we thought. It turns out that just the fact that we are going to Children's Hospital for an appointment means that all of the old wounds that we have managed to heal up over the summer have just been ripped open again. Our illusion of normality is shattered. My world is once again in turmoil, and I am finding myself without solid footing, being swept along in a sea of emotions. And I'm the designated "strong one". I can only imagine what Allison is feeling.

I don't like what it has done to me this week. I've booked my calander full to overflowing, and my time management skills are taking a beating. Plus I'm grumpy. I've got a short fuse, and the kids seem to be taking the brunt of it. It's not their fault. But I'm not sure I realized why this was happening until I started thinking about blogging it. I figured I was just too busy, or too tired. Both of those make me grumpy, but not like this. I think I was lashing out in the same way a drowning person flails looking for something to grab onto - not caring who they step on, or drag under in their quest for solid ground.

I need to recognize this. I can't do it on my own. I shouldn't even try. How quickly I forget life's lessons and am forced to relearn them.

Oh yeah. The tiles are finished. The playset is all assembled. I didn't make it before my business trip, but I finished it now. Major load off my mind. Thanks again to everyone who helped/prayed.

Thanks!

Thanks to all of you who pitched in!

The tiles are all installed (except the last 2 custom cuts). I need to put the slide back on, and hook the swing up, and bolt the monkey bars on. So, 2 bolts, 4 nuts, and 2 tiles.

I might even get this done before my buisness trip tomorrow. I really hope so.

Today's been a rough day. Server problems again have put me in a down mood that is susceptible to Doug downturns. Pray for the cloud to be lifted from my mood so I can enjoy the kids before I fly off...