Children's Hospital - First Visit

Today was our first visit to the specialists at Children's hospital. It was a very daunting thing. And early too. Our appointment was FAR too early in the day. How the rest of the world gets up at this time is beyond me. They obviously do, since we spent way more time in traffic than we planned for. We were only 4 minutes late - due primarily to my advanced driving skill.

Waiting was a nerve racking time. On the one hand preparing ourselves for the worst, on the other, praying like crazy that this whole trip was completely wasted. Sitting there I mused about many different things. I was thankful that the entrance wasn't far from the waiting room. I hate hospitals, and just being in one usually makes me feel nausious. This one was different. It was clean and un-clinical like. It felt more like a university than a hospital. It even had a Starbucks. Too bad I don't drink coffee. Anyhow, I was was just sitting there thinking about how it would be just awful to meet people you know in a place like that. Not because it would be awkward, but because you wouldn't wish a trip to the hospital (let alone to Children's Hospital) on anyone else. It's bad enough that you have to be there. Not 10 minutes later we saw people we knew. (Hi Tessa) My mind wasn't ready for that, and I'm sure I looked about as shell shocked as I've been feeling for the last while.

Once we got in to see the doctor (and the resident in tow) things really started to sink in. They were great with Doug, and with us. Unfortunately, the news they had wasn't any better. They reached the same conclusions as our family doctor and the pediatrition. I'm not giving up yet. God is still bigger than this. I do sometimes wonder how to make "having faith in a miracle" and "working within God's plan" work together. If I'm trusting God, and praying for healing, but God's will is for Doug to live with MD, am I being faithful and persistent, or bullheaded and stubborn? I'll have to let this one bounce around in my head for a while. I suspect there is room for both, given the right attitude on my part, but I don't know what that looks like yet.

For now we're back in the waiting game. We have a couple of pieces of paper to fill out, and then we have to wait on various lists. Fortunately, there's nothing really critical that needs to happen, so the only thing that suffers is our patience. I can live with that.

I'm hanging on for now. I'm deferring processing what is really happening until Allison has had a chance to. I'm going to need to be strong for her, and I don't know if I have the strength to work through this myself and be a useful shoulder for her. Once she is through this part, I'll take my turn. Strangely, this seems to work for us.