Children's Hospital - First Visit

Today was our first visit to the specialists at Children's hospital. It was a very daunting thing. And early too. Our appointment was FAR too early in the day. How the rest of the world gets up at this time is beyond me. They obviously do, since we spent way more time in traffic than we planned for. We were only 4 minutes late - due primarily to my advanced driving skill.

Waiting was a nerve racking time. On the one hand preparing ourselves for the worst, on the other, praying like crazy that this whole trip was completely wasted. Sitting there I mused about many different things. I was thankful that the entrance wasn't far from the waiting room. I hate hospitals, and just being in one usually makes me feel nausious. This one was different. It was clean and un-clinical like. It felt more like a university than a hospital. It even had a Starbucks. Too bad I don't drink coffee. Anyhow, I was was just sitting there thinking about how it would be just awful to meet people you know in a place like that. Not because it would be awkward, but because you wouldn't wish a trip to the hospital (let alone to Children's Hospital) on anyone else. It's bad enough that you have to be there. Not 10 minutes later we saw people we knew. (Hi Tessa) My mind wasn't ready for that, and I'm sure I looked about as shell shocked as I've been feeling for the last while.

Once we got in to see the doctor (and the resident in tow) things really started to sink in. They were great with Doug, and with us. Unfortunately, the news they had wasn't any better. They reached the same conclusions as our family doctor and the pediatrition. I'm not giving up yet. God is still bigger than this. I do sometimes wonder how to make "having faith in a miracle" and "working within God's plan" work together. If I'm trusting God, and praying for healing, but God's will is for Doug to live with MD, am I being faithful and persistent, or bullheaded and stubborn? I'll have to let this one bounce around in my head for a while. I suspect there is room for both, given the right attitude on my part, but I don't know what that looks like yet.

For now we're back in the waiting game. We have a couple of pieces of paper to fill out, and then we have to wait on various lists. Fortunately, there's nothing really critical that needs to happen, so the only thing that suffers is our patience. I can live with that.

I'm hanging on for now. I'm deferring processing what is really happening until Allison has had a chance to. I'm going to need to be strong for her, and I don't know if I have the strength to work through this myself and be a useful shoulder for her. Once she is through this part, I'll take my turn. Strangely, this seems to work for us.

Another Song

Another song to put on the list of ones that I want to be able to sing again.

"Because he Lives"

'nuff said. (if you know the lyrics, that is)

Songs I Can't Sing

There are few songs that come up, that have just choked me up. I want to be able to sing them again.

1. It is Well With My Soul
2. Amazing Grace
3. Sweet Child of Mine (yes, the one by Guns 'n Roses)

For once it's not the key changes that I'm worried about.

Finally, the Pediatritian

After weeks of waiting for our referrals to be processed we were off to the pediatritian. Even though he is in the same building as our family doctor, it took a couple of weeks to get an appointment, and that appointment wasn't until today.

But I digress...

This had to be the most thorough children's medical exam I've ever seen. Doug was poked and prodded and tested on his motor skills. We were grilled over family history and Doug's skills at home and when he learned to do them. I'll never understand how mother's remember exactly when their kids first sit up, take a step, get teeth, start talking, etc. I just don't have the capacity to remember all that stuff. I guess it's like when your friends have babies. If they call to give you the "news" you better have a pen handy. I figure that all you really need to know is that the kid arrived. It's not like they're going to answer to their name for a few years anyways. But no, if I don't get the names (including middle), height, weight, and time of birth (and gender too with the names these days) I haven't done my job. I usually wimp out and don't answer the phone whenever someone I know is pregnant. It's safer that way. But anyhow, Doug was examined like crazy. The doc left the room for a few minutes to look some stuff up I guess, and then came back indicating that he agreed with the original diagnosis. Another punch to the stomache. In some ways it's good knowing that our family doctor isn't incompatent, but this is one of those cases you wish he was.

So, down to the lab for a few more tests. They needed an EKG and some blood. I don't do needles well. In fact, just typing the "n" word in that last sentence made me feel a little dizzy. There was no lineup at the lab, so I we decided to do it right away, rather than go for lunch and come back. I stayed in the waiting area to reduce the number of unconscious people in the building. Suddenly, from the back room comes the nurse saying that I'm needed. Allison knows darn well how much I love nee*****, so I know it must be important for her to have sent for me. Well, it turns out she didn't. The nurse decided more limb control was needed. I don't think I was much help. The EKG was worse. They had absolutely no child-friendly mannerisms. From now on, in the spirit of Sienfeld, they shall be known as the "Lab Nazis".

Another draining day. Its not like I've run a marathon or anything, but it sucks the life right out of you.